Remembering Marlene
by She-who-loves-fanfiction
Summary: When Marlene McKinnon wakes up in a room with no recollection of how she got there, her only source of information is flashes of memories from her past. Fragments of conversations are all she has. As she struggles to pick up the pieces of her life, there's one person who keeps appearing everywhere she turns. Will she ever discover what happened to her? Or will time catch up to her?
1. General Confusion

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.  
Thank you to J.K Rowling, for allowing me to build sandcastles on her beach!  
A/N: This will probably be a multi-chaptered fanfic, it depends if you guys enjoy it, and if I like writing it!  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

The first thing that I notice when I wake up is that I've got the feeling I've been asleep for a long time.

I come to slowly, squinting in the dim light of the room.  
Reaching up to rub my eyes, I frown as I touch glasses; I never fall asleep with my glasses on, not even when I'm really tired.  
I'm cold, I must have kicked off the duvet in the night, and I roll over, but there's no one there.

Wait.  
Should there be someone there?

I sit up, all grogginess gone, but I can still feel my hesitation, settling like a thick fog of confusion across my mind.  
I'm fully-clothed, shoes and all, lying on a bed that's unfamiliar and hard. I'm in a room, small and bare, except for a bed and a table with what looks like a glass of water set upon it. There's not a window, so the room is lit by what I'm guessing is a light under the bed.  
Where am I?

I rack my brain for why I'm here, and I can't remember anything, so I start to panic, but then some things start to come back to me.  
Simple things, things that I'm certain are true.  
My name is Marlene McKinnon. I'm 19 years old. I wear glasses.

They're simple, I know them like I know how to breathe.  
Then they are other pieces of information, ones that normally would sound crazy but I know are true, just like I know that my name is Marlene.  
I'm a witch. I'm also an Auror. I went to Hogwarts, and I was a Gryffindor along with…with…  
With who?

Trying to keep my breathing steady, I look down at what I'm wearing, a pink top and leggings, with a pair of worn grey trainers, and I reach up to touch my hair, which is up in a messy bun, with several long pins shoved into it. Comfortable clothes.  
I hear a noise and reach for my back pocket automatically, then feel a flicker of panic. My wand's not there.

I scan the room, and then stand up, and walk over to the door, which is huge and wooden, with a large silver knob, and a lock with no key. Reaching for the knob, I'm unsurprised as it fails to open.

Voices.  
Echoing as if through the walls.  
My first instinct is to shout for help, but something stops me.  
If they've locked me in a room, I doubt they're friendly.  
I run over to the right wall, climbing onto the bed, press my ear to the wall, but I can't hear them properly.  
Then I have an idea.

The liquid in the glass is clear, and odourless, but then so is Veritaserum, and that's not exactly something I want to be drinking. Instinct tells me to pour a little bit of the liquid on my little finger, and see what happens. Usually I would just throw the water away, let it sink into the carpet, but I'm thirsty, and who knows how long I'll be stuck in here. After waiting for what feels about a minute, my finger is fine, so I drink it down, smiling because it's water, just water, and these people, whoever they are, don't want to poison me at all.

I press the glass to the wall and go to listen but I'm crippled by something.  
Something beautiful and vivid and painful.  
A flash of memory.  
A boy, handsome and laughing. A kiss on the Astronomy tower. A glimpse of star. A name.

"Sirius…"  
I'm talking out loud to myself, willing for more things, willing to remember more, but my stupid brain, it just won't remember…

Shaking my head and willing myself to focus, I press my ear to the base of the cup and listen. I can't hear exactly what they're saying, but I can hear the voice, deep, calm and reassuring. I recognise it, I know I do, and it's so annoying because I can't think of who it is and, and...

Kingsley Shacklebolt!  
That's who it is.  
I've got a name now.  
So my memories are coming back, albeit slowly.  
That's at least slightly reassuring.

He's saying something quietly, soothingly, and I'm remembering more, like that he was in Gryffindor too, and he was in the year above me and he was friends with...with...but I can't remember any more.

Then someone else speaks, and their voice is raised, and he's angry, voice pained and weary. This time I recognise the voice straight away, and there's a memory again, and it's bright and clear, like it happened recently.

 _"Are you sure you don't want to come?"  
It's a boy, a boy with brown hair and brown eyes, and he's speaking in the voice I recognised, but here he sounds happy, teasing.  
"I don't fancy seeing Moody yell at you for missing shifts. Ask Sirius, he might go with you."  
I look different too, maybe I'm younger, no, I'm happier, and I'm laughing.  
Then he comes through the door, Sirius, and he's looks so good it hurts, in his favourite leather jacket._

The memory fades, and I'm left with more questions than answers.  
Still, now I know who he is, the owner of that voice.  
"Remus Lupin," I test the name on my tongue, and it sounds right, familiar.  
Remus Lupin. One of my best friends.  
But who is Moody?  
Missing shifts?  
How do I know Sirius?  
Are we friends?  
Are we _more_?  
Why am I here?  
And why can't I remember the answer to any of these questions?

The voices from the other side of the wall have got louder, so I don't need the cup anymore to hear Remus shouting.  
"Why can't I see her? This is stupid!"  
"Albus-"  
"To hell with Dumbledore! She must be terrified. What was that spell anyway?"

Then their voices quieten down, and I can no longer hear them, but my mind's still racing.  
I slip my shoes off and sit down, cross-legged, on the floor, folding my glasses on the floor in front of me so that the room goes fuzzy.  
Pressing the heels of my hands to my eye-lids, I watch stars explode in front of my eyes and let go as I start to feel a bit nauseous.  
Blinking quickly to clear my vision, I shove my glasses back on my face and lean back against the bed. The wall is dark-grey, nearly black, and the colour jolts something else in my mind.

 _"Black. Sirius Black."  
He's sitting next to me in a cosy room, and there's a cat curled up in my lap as he plays with my hair.  
"Sounds kind of poetic, don't you think, Mar?"  
"I suppose. But then your name would have to be poetic, wouldn't it? You couldn't be satisfied with a normal name like mine."  
"No," He agrees, and I lean back into him. "but then your name isn't normal."  
"Really? It sounds normal to me."  
"Nah. Your name could never be normal, love. And you know why that is?"  
"Why's that?"  
"Because it's your name, and you are far from normal."  
We're both smiling, and the cat purrs louder as I scratch behind its ears and chip in with my own response.  
"Besides, normal's a setting on a washing machine."  
We both laugh, and I'm smiling as the memory fades._

So now he has a last name. Sirius Black.  
 _I miss him_ , I realise, sitting on the floor, staring at the wall.  
I miss Sirius Black and that night curled up in the Gryffindor common room.  
I miss him.  
I miss Sirius Black.  
And I don't even know who he is.

I have to get out of here.  
Now.

I'm standing up before I know where I am, and I start to shout, hitting the wall with my fists.  
"Remus! Remus! HELP! Hello? Somebody? HELP!"  
They've gone silent when I stop yelling, and at first I think they've heard me, but then they start talking again, and I realise that they must have been thinking. I may not remember much, but I know Remus. Deep in my gut, I know that he wouldn't ignore me like that.  
So they can't hear me.  
So this room's been soundproofed.  
So they can't hear me.  
So I'm stuck here.

I'm so angry, so upset, so _frustrated,_ that I start to cry.  
Pulling my glasses off once again, I wipe my eyes and rub my aching head, closing my eyes and leaning back against the bed.  
Against the blackness, I can see faces, faces and places and memories, flickering across my mind's eye like a broken tape, whirring faster and faster until they're blurring and I can no longer make out any of them. My head gives a painful stab behind my eyes, and I bite my lip to keep from crying out, not wanting to show weakness even though I'm alone.

There's a memory, just out of reach, tantalisingly close, close enough to touch, and I can tell that it is important, but I can't reach it. All I've got is a face, Sirius' face, contorted by fear, yelling, shouting something, speaking to me, but I can't remember what he said, or what it means.  
It's hopeless.  
I'm hopeless.

The voices fade completely, and I hear a door slam.  
Instantly I'm on my feet, running up to the door, banging on it, yelling for help.  
There's no answer, no sound of footsteps.

I focus on the door in front of me, willing it to open, trying to force it with my mind.  
Nothing happens.  
The spell comes to me, and I speak it confidently, despite my lack of a wand.  
"Alohomora."  
Nothing happens.  
Groaning, I flop back down on the bed, and then shoot back up again into seating position as I hear a noise.

I hold my breath.  
And the door creaks open.

 **What do you think will happen? Where is she? What's going on? Why can't she remember anything?  
Let me know what you think! All reviews are appreciated! Any ideas, suggestions, etc. Let me know.  
I love to hear what you guys want to happen, and what you guys think!**

 **Happy reading,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	2. Make yourself at home

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.  
Thank you to J.K Rowling, for allowing me to build sandcastles on her beach!  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

Previously:  
 _"Alohomora."_  
 _Nothing happens._  
 _Groaning, I flop back down on the bed, and then shoot back up again into seating position as I hear a noise._

 _I hold my breath._  
 _And the door creaks open._

I stand up, scarcely able to believe my luck, when there's a loud crack, harsh and familiar. Someone Disapparated.  
I pick up the glass and the blanket from the bed, just in case I can't get back in this room, and walk slowly towards the door, hoping that either Remus or Kingsley are still here.  
They have got some explaining to do.

As I step out of the door, I feel a jolt of fear, and wish once again that I had my wand; the mere presence of it would be comforting.  
I'm standing in a dimly lit hallway, lit only by a gas lamp, hanging precariously from a hook nailed into the wall. Several doors line the corridor, which seems to go on for quite a while, and the floor is black stone, bumpy and coarse.

I turn automatically to the right, hoping for some kind of door, but there's just a wall, painted dark grey like the ones in my room, blank and looming and so _frustrating.  
_ I won't give up, though.  
I run my hand along the bottom of the wall, along the skirting board, and then up the sides, until I've covered the sides. A frustrated groan escaping my mouth, I slump down on the floor and try to think.  
So I can't get to where I heard people, because of a wall.  
And I don't know where I am.

My sense tells me to sit and wait for someone to come.  
My curiosity tells me otherwise.

So I get up and walk down the hall, abandoning the sheets and glass next to the door; I can always come back.  
The dust on the bare sides make me cough, and the noise sounds loud in the silence. I'm tired again, I realise, I must have been asleep for a while if this little exercise has made me tired. I'm just about to turn the handle for the first door when I'm hit by another memory.

 _"Are you sure you're going to be alright?"  
I sound concerned, looking worriedly at Sirius, who's standing in a vaguely familiar hallway by the front door.  
"I'll be fine, Mar. Don't worry. Dumbledore said it'll take ten minutes, in and out. I'll be back in half an hour."  
"OK," I still look worried. "But let me know if you have to go to St Mungo's."  
"I will. You know I will."  
"I know. It's just that I worry-"  
"I know you do, love. But I'll be fine. I'll see you later, OK?"  
I nod, and he pulls me into a hug, warm and comforting, before kissing me on the forehead.  
"Love you."  
"Love you too!"  
_

I'm smiling as the memory fades again; our love for each other is plain. Black and white.  
So I loved Sirius Black.  
And I'm pretty sure that I still do.  
That would be great, if only I knew who he was.

I shake my head; I need to focus.  
Nervously, I turn the handle on the first door, and push, but it doesn't open; it's locked. I try the next door, and it's locked too, but the last door is open, the door slightly ajar, so I push it open wider and step inside.

It's a cosy little room, obviously lived in, stuffed with sofas and cushions and books. It's painted a warm dark red, and the walls are lined with pictures of flowers. The sides are lined with vases that are full of dead flowers, empty picture frames and stacks of parchment.  
I pick up the first sheet, and squint to try and read the faded writing, but heat and time have got to the ink, so I can't make the words out. The fireplace is bare, and lined with ash, but there are plenty of logs piled up, ready to fuel the fire. Despite it's comfortable interior, dust has settled along the sides, and the whole room has a musty smell, giving me the feeling that no one has sat in here for a long while.

The part of the room that intrigues me the most, though, is the cupboard; a tall, wooden cupboard, with one door slightly ajar, just like the door, buzzing ominously. I walk over and open up the cupboard, fearing that Doxys might have inhabited it, but it's just a Sneakoscope, vibrating slightly as it stands on its end. Behind it is a cardboard box, and I heft it out, stumbling as it is heavier than I anticipated.

Sitting down on the sofa, I place the box down on the floor and pull it open, coughing as dust floats into the air. It contains a curious set of objects; a thick cloak, patterned with stars and moons, three vials of red liquid and, most interestingly, a thick wand, similar to a birch rod.  
It may not be mine, but the sight of a wand is immensely reassuring, especially as I pick it up and whisper "Lumos."

The small light that it gives off comforts me, and now I know that I can at least open the other doors, or defend myself, should the people who put me here return. There's a grumbling sound, and I start sharply, before I realise that it's just my stomach.  
I'm _hungry._

Pulling the cloak out of the box, I wrap it around me for some warmth and decide to come back to this room later; there's no sign of any stairs or way out so far, and this room is as good as I'm going to get. Hopefully I'll find some preserved food somewhere.  
Fifteen minutes later, I've gone through all of the rooms, which are all identical to the room that I woke up in, and I'm starving.  
Literally starving.  
I go back to get the blanket and the glass of water, hoping that I can drink the last few drops still in the glass, and am pleasantly surprised when I discover a tray, laden with a bowl of soup and some bread, along with more water, sitting just inside my original room. At first I panic, thinking that people must have been in here, but a quick revealing charm tells me that it's fine, it's been sent here magically.

Levitating the tray and the blanket, I walk back through to the comfortable room and settle down, creating a bed of sorts out of the sofa, cushions and bedding from my room. I then proceed to sit down and drink the entire bowl of soup, keeping only the glass of water and the bread in case I don't get food again for a while.

Although I was tired before, the hot soup and the exercise have woken me up, so now I'm wide awake, ready and raring to go.  
Standing up and stretching, I yawn and walk out into the hall, pacing up and down, up and down, trying to think of what to do, when I'm crippled by a flash of a memory.

 _"Mar! Quick! Come on! It's too late to help them! We have to get out of here!"  
Sirius is barely a few feet away, there are masked people all around us and I'm crouched over a man, who's bleeding profusely from a wound in his neck.  
"Sirius-"  
Remus interrupts me from where he stands next to Sirius, both of their faces contorted by fear.  
"Come on Mar! Come on!"  
"Mar!"  
I stand up, Sirius yells and the memory fades._

Frowning, I rub my forehead.  
What was that?  
I'm struck by the irresistible urge to do something, _anything,_ so I settle for putting basic protective enchantments around the room I've made my base. After I've finished, I wish I could do more, but my memory of how to do anything stronger is hazy, and I'm not sure if this new wand would be up to it. It may be a wand, but it still feels foreign in my hand, and I don't really trust it to do everything my old wand would do.  
I miss _my_ wand.

A loud _crack_ makes me instinctively duck into the nearest room, and I lean back against the door, trying to breathe quietly.  
Someone's Apparated.  
I can hear footsteps, and I'm scared, heart rate speeding up, slightly light-headed.

"Hello?" I recognise that voice. It's Remus. "Who's there?"  
I hear him draw his wand, and I bite my lip, trying to decide what to do.  
Normally, I know that I wouldn't hide from Remus, I know that I trust him, but something tells me to wait.

He walks down the corridor, down to where my original room is, past where I'm hiding, and peers in, and I hear him swear under his breath.  
You could hear a pin drop.  
He speaks again, and this time I can hear the worry in his voice.  
"Hello? Come out, I won't hurt you. Who's there?"  
The pain is his voice is audible, and as he's in pain, I'm in pain too.

I hear him sigh, hear him give up and walk into the room I woke up in, and I close my eyes as another memory washes over me.  
 _"Okay, Mar?"  
I'm sitting with Remus in a library, and there are several textbooks open in front of us.  
"Yeah," I sigh. "Just not feeling great."  
"Here," He smiles and pulls out a bar of chocolate, wrapped in purple foil. "Do you want some chocolate?"  
"Who wouldn't?" I smile at him as he breaks me off a piece, and pop it in my mouth, savouring the sweet taste. "Thanks Remus."  
"Anytime."  
_

What am I doing?

Remus steps out into the hallway again, running his hand through his hair, and I take my chance, stepping out into the hallway so I'm directly in front of him, and he pales.

"Mar..."  
His face breaks out into a smile at the same time as mine, and he steps forward, examining my face.  
"Merlin Mar...I wasn't sure...they said that you were okay but I just...they said they were moving you..."  
"Remus..." My voice comes out a whisper, and tears are streaming down my face.  
"Mar..."

He pulls me into a hug, and we stay there for a long time.

 **Let me know what you think! All reviews are appreciated! Any ideas, suggestions, etc. Let me know.  
I love to hear what you guys want to happen, and what you guys think!  
Thank you to the people who have followed this story!  
**

 **Happy reading,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	3. Remus' Tale

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I _do_ like writing about it.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it! You'll be getting some answers in this chapter.  
Enjoy xx**

I'm still in shock.  
"Remus..."  
Tears are still dripping down my face, and as he hugs me, I'm hit by a wave of memories.

 _"Mar! Run!"  
"Come on, it won't be that bad-"  
"Happy birthday!"  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
"Sirius Orion Black, get your sorry behind over here RIGHT NOW-"  
"Did you kiss him?"  
"Oh my gosh Lily, congratulations!"  
"Happy are we, Buttercup?"  
"Oh shut up Prongs!_ _"  
"I love you, Mar..."  
_

Remus lets go, and the moment is lost, but I'm comforted by the memories of my friends. After a minute, I finally find my voice.  
"Remus...What's going on? Why am I here? And why can't I remember everything?"  
He sighs, and leads me into the comfortable room, where we sit down on the sofa.

"I guess I'd better start from the beginning. OK, so it started about six months ago. I'm a werewolf, you see, and because of the full moon I missed my shift for the Order. I'm an Auror too, you know, but I've always wanted to teach. But that's beside the point. Anyway, I missed my shift,"  
I remember the conversation I had with him, about missing shifts.  
 _"Are you sure you don't want to come?"  
"I don't fancy seeing Moody yell at you for missing shifts. Ask Sirius, he might go with you."_

"I missed my shift, so Moody, he's the Head Auror at the Ministry, and part of the Order of the Phoenix, and he asked me to go on the raid in Shropshire, which was voluntary, to make up for it. Sirius also volunteered to go, and because he was going, you were going too. Your faith in each other...the trust...it was amazing. Sometimes I swear you could literally read each others' minds.  
So we Apparated to the middle of nowhere, and it turned out that the confidential tip-off that we were acting on was false. It was a trap.  
We arrived, and it was absolute carnage. Our men were dropping like flies; we lost Gideon and Fabian Prewett that day."

I feel a pang of sadness at his words, and bite my lip.  
"Fifteen of us went, and only six of us returned, me and Sirius included. We were losing by miles, and Moody gave the order to retreat. We were just about to Apparate when someone was hit next to you. You dropped immediately to help them, and Sirius yelled at you, he said that it was too late to help them."  
"I remember that."  
Remus looks sad. "Do you remember what happened next?"  
I shake my head. "Everything just sort of went black."

"You looked up..." He sighs. "You looked up and you were cursed in the back."  
My back aches at the memory.  
"You collapsed, and before we could react, the Death Eater who cursed you lunged forward, grabbed you and Disapparated. I'd never seen Sirius look like that before, like he was lost. He just...froze up, so I grabbed his arm and Disapparated. Normally, after a raid, if we lost someone, he would angry, or upset, but then he just sort of shut down. He'd forget to eat, or forget his shifts, and for once Moody didn't mind."  
I'm breathing heavily, trying not to get emotional.

"Two weeks, we searched for you. We went to all of the known strongholds, tried tracking spells and Point-Me, and even locating your wand, but none of them worked. Nothing did. After those two weeks, the Ministry prononced you dead, and closed the investigation. There was no sign of you for months, and we all very reluctantly gave up. And then about a week ago, a small group of us raided a warehouse down in Kent, and we caught loads of Death Eaters, including Avery and Travers. Sirius didn't go that day, I remember, because he was going to see Dumbledore. We'd apprehended half of the Death Eaters that we knew about, and it wasn't long before we'd captured the place. It was only by chance that we went back in, Kingsley and I, because he'd lost his spare wand. We'd just found it, when he spotted a small room, pitch-black and seemingly empty. I opened the door and lit my wand, and we could see someone in the corner. We walked in carefully, and I _knew_ it was you. Kingsley said that you were dead, but I knew that you weren't, in _here."  
_ He puts his hand on his heart, and my own heart gives a painful twist.

"I ran over, and you were breathing, barely, but you were breathing, so I picked you up, took you outside, and then Apparated to St Mungo's. Dumbledore spoke to the Healers there, an seeing as you were still unconscious, they didn't know if you were alright, you know, mentally. I was about to go and get Sirius, then you woke up. They were questioning, the Healers, and...well, at first, we thought you'd gone insane. You had no idea who we were. That's why I didn't get Sirius straight away. He'd already had to get through losing you once, and I wasn't sure he handle finding you, only for you not to know who he was. So, I hesitated, and Dumbledore agreed with me. He said that we should wait to see how you were."

It's a lot to take in, so I'm frowning, trying to work out why I'm here.  
"But what happened to me? Why am I here?"

"From what we know, we're pretty sure that they were using your hair for the Polyjuice Potion. When we found you, you were unconscious, controlled by the Imperius Curse and very weak. As for why you can't remember anything, the most likely explanation is that we were coming and attempted to perform a Memory Charm and failed to complete it properly, which is why you can remember somethings, and why your memory is slowly coming back."

"Right. So why am I _here?_ "  
"Dumbledore moved you here as soon as you were stable. As for why, well...I don't really know. According to him, there are lots of reasons for to be here. In case you were an imposter, in case your captors came looking for you again, in case you were still under the Imperius Curse. But now, you can leave."  
I feel a swell of joy, but I still have one burning question.  
"Remus...did Sirius ever...is Sirius with someone else now?"  
The smile on his face tells me that I needn't have worried.  
"Mar, they was only ever one girl for him."

The happiness must show on my face, because he laughs.  
"How did you get out of that room anyway?"  
"Magic!" I wink at him, and he raises one eyebrow, so I hold up the wand I found.  
"I found this."  
"Trust you." He grins, and crosses his arms, evidently thinking hard.

"OK, so now you should be able to leave. We can just...oh of course. Have you tried to Apparate?"  
"No. Merlin, I didn't even _think_..."  
"No, that's good. They put Anti-Apparation wards on you. If you'd have tried to Apparate, you would've been knocked out. I'll have to get Dumbledore to get rid of them, as he cast them."  
"OK, so if I can't leave, could Sirius come here?"  
"Umm...Sirius won't be able to get here, I can't show him, I'm not the Secret Keeper...And you can't get out either...because...becasue Dumbledore...Oh that's clever..." He admits begrudgingly, and I can practically see the cogs in his brain turning.  
"What's clever?"  
"You need to have Dumbledore's permission to leave, but that's fine, he shouldn't have a problem with that."  
"Can you tell Sirius? That I'm okay, I mean."  
"I'm not sure...it's just, well, he'll want to see you, and he'll get mad when he can't. I think we should wait until you're out of here. Esecially seeing as you can't remember him."

"My memories are coming back! Remus, if he loves me as much as I love him, then he won't care."  
Remus pulls him closer to him, and throws his arm around me.  
"I know, Mar. Merlin, I know. But if I came to you and told you that the person you love more than anybody else who has been missing for six months is now not only alive, but apart from some memory loss, is relatively does that sound like?"  
"A trap."  
"Exactly. That's why we can't tell Sirius yet. I promise, though, the first place we'll go after you're released is his place."

I open my mouth to ask something, and I'm struck by a memory.  
 _I'm curled up with a book in my lap in the common room, when a pretty redhead bursts in, a huge smile on her face.  
"Mar..."  
"Yes, Lils?"  
"I kissed James."  
I jump up and start dancing around, teasing her.  
"YOU KISSED JAMES! YOU KISSED JAMES!"  
"Oh shut up, Mar..."  
But she's joking, and a second later she joins in, so we're dancing around the common room together, getting weird looks from first-years.  
A handsome boy with round glasses comes in a minute later, and the girl stops immediately, but I run over to him and poke him in the chest.  
"Well played Potter. But if you hurt Lily in any way, I will make your grandchildren feel it. Understood?"  
"Certainly, cupcake."  
"Good."  
_

"Mar! Mar! Are you okay?"  
"Who's Lily?"  
"Lily? Lily Evans? She was your best friend at Hogwarts, she was in Gryffindor. Merlin, she was devastated when you disappeared. Then again, we all were."  
"Red hair...she has red hair, doesn't she? And bright green eyes. I remember, one night in the common room, Lily came in, all breathless and panting, and said that she'd kissed James, and we started dancing around. Who's James?"  
"James. James Potter, Sirius' best friend. Him and Lily are engaged. They're getting married in two months.  
I feel a twinge of loss at the thought that I've missed them getting engaged.  
"I want to see them."  
"See who?"  
"Lily and James. I miss them."  
"They miss you too. At your...your funeral, Lily asked everyone to wear something green, because it was your favourite colour."  
"It still is."  
"I suppose I should have asked this already, but how do I know that you're...you? I have to be sure, just...tell me about you."

"OK. So. My name is Marlene McKinnon. I'm 19 years old, and I'm an Auror, a witch who went to Hogwarts. I decided to trust you because I remembered how you used to give me chocolate when I was feeling down. My favourite colour is green and my Patronus is a butterfly."  
The more I speak, the more things I remember, until words are pouring out of me like a waterfall.  
"I love to sing, I love the feeling of wind on my face, and I love the smell of vanilla. I love how you all call me Mar, because you heard me tell Lily that I don't like my name. I'm in love with Sirius Black, who's Patronus is a big black dog. I miss Lily because of how sarcastic and quick and fun and amazing she is, and I miss James because of how he calls me all kinds of pet names to annoy Sirius. I miss my friends, and I miss Sirius."

Without meaning to, I've started to cry, and Remus squeezes my shoulders.  
"Hey, it's okay, Mar. It's okay, I believe you. Sshhh...I'm going to go and get Dumbledore, okay? Go to bed, go to sleep, here, have my jacket, get comfy, and I'll be back as soon as I can. It might take a while, he's a busy man, but I'll be back soon."

He pulls me into one last hug, kisses me on the forehead and Disapparates.

 **All reviews are appreciated! Any ideas, suggestions, etc. Let me know.  
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 **Happy reading,  
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	4. Going home

**Disclaimer 1: I do not own Harry Potter, but I** _ **do**_ **like writing about it.  
Disclaimer 2: The song that Mar sings in this chapter is called 'Youth', it's a song by Daughter, and it's from their EP, 'The Wild Youth'. ****Yes, I know that it does not fit the timeline, but the lyrics are so relatable to the Marauders and it's such a beautiful song, that I had to add it in!** **I have been listening to it on repeat while writing this story, so check it out if you fancy listening to the actual song! It will probably be coming up again in the story. Just a hint!  
**

 **Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

I'm still standing up, watching the spot where Remus Disapparated, when a memory flickers across my vision, a laugh, and a word.  
 _"Marlene!"  
_ The sound is comforting, and I mentally shake myself.  
Everything is going to be okay.

Pulling Remus' jacket on, I sit down and start fiddling with a cushion, humming a tune that sounds familiar, and comes naturally.  
A minute later, I'm singing the song under my breath. I don't know how I know the words, but I do, and they flow out of me like a river.  
 _"Shadows settle on the place, that you left. Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.  
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time, from the perfect start, to the finish line."_

My voice is croaky at first, but after a few lines, it warms up, so I sound like I used to again.  
Standing up, I walk over to the sideboard and start straightening the books and papers, still singing.  
 _"And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones. Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.  
Setting fire to our insides for fun. Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong, the lovers that went wrong."_

By the end of the song, a few minutes later, I'm struggling to hold back tears again, and I'm surprised at myself; I'm not usually this emotional. The stress of the day must have taken its toll.  
I'm just wiping my eyes and laying down to try and sleep when another memory washes over me.  
 _I'm dancing in my pajamas with Lily and two other girls that I don't recognise in our old dormitory.  
I'm singing loudly, using a random hairbrush, and Lily's singing too, that song that I was singing a minute ago.  
"Setting fire to our insides for fun...  
Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home. It was a flood that wrecked this home."  
We look so happy, so young, so free._

The memory fades, and tiredness washes over me like a wave, the memory of the song acting like a lullaby, lulling me to sleep.

* * *

"Mar! Hey, Mar. Wake up."  
Remus is shaking me, and I blink up at him, yawning.  
"Is Dumbledore here?"  
"Yeah, he's outside, I said I'd go and get him when you were ready."  
"When I'm ready? I was born ready! Just give me a sec."  
He smiles at my enthusiasm and I flick the borrowed wand, cleaning my hair, and pulling it up into a ponytail.  
"Ready?"  
"Ready to go see my friends? Absolutely!"

He Disapparates and then appears a minute later, accompanied with Albus Dumbledore.  
The sight of him brings back a truckload of memories, and I blink quickly to disperse them, focusing on my former Headmaster.  
"Professor Dumbledore," I breathe, a swell of joy rising inside of me.  
"Miss McKinnon. It is marvellous to see me. Please call me Albus."  
"Then please call me Marlene."  
He chuckles at my plea, and regards me with his slightly-unnerving icy blue eyes.  
"I've heard from Mr Lupin that you wish to leave."  
"You heard correctly. He has checked me, asked me questions that only I would know, and confirmed that I am not under the Imperius Curse."  
"This is excellent news, Miss McKinnon."  
"Yes, Professor Dumbledore. I can't wait to see my friends again."  
"They will be in for quite a shock. Now, Mr Lupin, kindly leave us. I will fetch you when it is time for Miss McKinnon to leave. First, I feel we have something to discuss."

Remus looks at me questioningly, and I frown back at him, equally confused, but he simply shrugs and Disapparates.  
"Now, Miss McKinnon, I am aware that your memories are coming back, am I correct?"  
"Yes."  
"So there is something I would like you to do. I would like you to make an Unbreakable Vow."  
"An Unbreakable Vow? Why?"  
"I would like you to make an Unbreakable Vow, and swear that you will not disclose anything that you remember from your time with the Death Eaters and that you will not attempt to help anyone who could be affected by what you remember."  
"What? Why?"  
"Because if you don't then I can not let you out."  
My happiness deflates like a pricked balloon.  
"What?!"  
"I fear that you may have heard something while being held by the Death Eaters that is very important, and it is _crucial_ that you do not disclose it. Miss McKinnon, I am sorry, but this information must be kept quiet, and no one should be warned about this information or helped. Swear it, and I will not hesitate to let you out of here immediately."  
I bite my lip, trying to think.  
Make an Unbreakable Vow that sounds easy to keep? Or see Sirius, Lily and James again?  
"I'll do it."  
"Thank you, Miss McKinnon. Thank you. Now kindly let us join hands and I will be our Bonder."

He goes through the conditions again, and I say "I will," at the right moments.  
My hand goes very hot, then very cold and my breathing is slightly haggard as we let go.  
"Now, Miss McKinnon, I will bid you farewell. Mr Lupin will be up here momentarily."  
He doffs his hat to me, I nod respectfully at him, and he Disapparates with a loud _crack._

Barely a second later, Remus Apparates in front of me, catching my wrists as I stumble backwards, surprised.  
"You okay? All ready to go?"  
"Yep!"  
I don't even bother trying to contain my excitement.  
"What did Dumbledore want to talk to you about anyway?"  
"It was...uhhh...nothing. Just wanted to know about my memories coming back."  
I'm shocked at how easy it is to lie.  
"OK, Mar, so your body hasn't Apparated in a while, so it might not come naturally at first. Shall we just try Apparating downstairs?"  
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

I close my eyes and twist in mid-air, and although I never used to mind the sensation of Apparating, now it feels painful, forced. Arriving with a _crack_ downstairs, I double over, clutching my stomach, which feels like it left upstairs rather reluctantly.  
"Alright Mar?"  
Remus bends down so that he's eye-level with me, and peers at me.  
"Yeah. Just...stomach ache."

I stand up, and turn in a circle, taking in the perfectly ordinary street that leads up to a bustling town square, full of people.  
"Where are we?"  
"Some place in Canterbury. You were staying in a block of flats owned by an very rich old witch by the name of Elizabeth Jones. She's on holiday at the moment, in Wales, and she said that they could use a few of her spare rooms in her building to keep you in."  
"Right. So...where does Sirius live?"  
"Just outside Godric's Hollow. We can Apparate to the outskirts, and then walk, if that's alright. Both Sirius and Lily and James have Anti-Apparation Wards for a mile around their houses, so we'll have to go on foot."  
"That's good, actually, I could probably use the exercise."  
"Do you want to Side-Along Apparate? It might make it easier for you."  
"That would be great, thanks."  
Remus holds out his arm, and I hold it tightly, my small fingers grasped around his sleeve.  
"Let's go, then."  
We twist in mid-air and disappear, and this time, it doesn't feel quite so bad.

"Welcome to Godric's Hollow!"  
I turn in a circle, taking in my surroundings, and I smile as the breeze hits my face.  
"It's beautiful."  
The cobbled roads are lined with all different types of cottages, some white with black awnings, some painted dark glossy browns, some painted in all manner of bright pinks and yellows and greens. There's a graveyard a little in the distance, bordered by a pretty fence and a kissing-gate, and I can see a church if I crane my neck over the cottage near to me.

"Shall we go then?"  
Remus slings his arm around me as we walk down the cobbled streets, and he smiles at several people as we pass them in the street, obviously he comes regularly.  
"Hello Mrs Parker!" He smiles wearily at the cheerful looking old lady wearing a bright red headscarf.  
"Good afternoon Remus. Nice to see you out and about after...it was flu you had, wasn't it?"  
"Yes Mrs Parker." He winks at me, and I grin.  
"And you're...Marlene, isn't it?"  
I'm too shocked to reply, and Remus cuts in, looking frantic.  
"Yes Mrs Parker, however we have to go. Urgent business to attend to."

He pulls me away quickly, and I wave at the confused looking Mrs Parker.  
"The flu, huh?"  
"I had to say _something_!"  
We pass a post office, and I stop in my tracks as a memory hits me head-on.  
 _"The dinner was lovely, Sirius."  
"Yeah, but the waiter was less so."  
"He was just being friendly, Sirius!"  
"He looked like he was about to snog you. And, correct me if I'm wrong, that's a bit more than friendly!"  
"Is someone jealous?"  
"No..."  
"Sure you're not."  
_ _I shove him playfully, and then go on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek, but he turns his head so that he catches my lips._

"Mar," Remus asks gently. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah...it was a memory."  
"A memory?"  
"Yep."  
"A good one?"  
"A very good one."

We walk for a while, and then Remus stops me in front of a narrow street.  
"Are we there?"  
"Nearly. That one," He points to a cosy looking house near the end of the street, and it's all I can do to not sprint down there straight away, "is where Sirius lives."

Walking down the street in the middle of the road, the whole area sends a backlash of memories, and I force them down; I can think about them later. Butterflies are having a riot in my stomach, and the smile of my face won't go away, no matter what I do. We walk up to the front door, and Remus knocks, before pushing open the door.

"Who's there?"  
"It is I, Remus John Lupin, also known as Moony. I have come to see Sirius Orion Black, who is known as Padfoot."  
"Alright then, come in, I'm just about to go to James'."  
"I'd wait a minute, if I were you."  
"Hang on, I'll come down in a minute."  
Sirius' voice, familiar and comforting, sends a wave of memories so strong that it feels like I've been punched in the stomach. The living room is cosily messy and all too familiar, and the mantelpiece is covered in pictures, most of them with _me_ in them. Me and Lily, waving at the camera in the snow. Me and Sirius in the common room, talking, me perched on his lap. Me, just me, reading a book, hair blowing in the breeze.  
I didn't realise I was crying until Remus reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek.  
"It'll be okay." He whispers, and I whole-heartedly believe him.

The stairs creak and Sirius slides off the end of the banister, grinning, pulling on the leather jacket I got him for his nineteenth birthday, and it's _him,_ it's _Sirius_ and I can't believe it and it's actually him, and I'm crying silently, looking at him.  
He runs over to the kitchen table and starts sorting through the drawer, his back to us the whole time; he hasn't notice me yet.  
"James wants to talk about his stag do, or something, and Lily's going spare because she can't find some invitation thing, or...I don't know, I wasn't really listening and Merlin she was stressing out! Where have you been, actually, because James was freaking about who to have as his best man and I said you can do it but I'd really like to do it so if you don't mind-"  
"Sirius." Remus has the biggest smile on his face, and Sirius turns, an impatient look on his face.  
"Yeah?"

Then his eyes catch onto me, and the tears are pouring down my face and his eyes widen.  
"Mar..." he whispers, and I swear my heart stops, even if just for a moment.

 **A/N: Tart Cat, I honestly can't wait to write their reunion scene either! *squeals excitedly*  
Hope you guys like it, and don't forget to review!  
Toodle pip,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	5. Death by Spontaneous Combustion

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I** _ **do**_ **like writing about it.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

Sirius goes as white as a sheet and looks at Remus almost pleadingly, fear and hope evident in his face.  
"But it can't...it can't be...is it...?"  
There's a second before Remus answers, and it feels like a lifetime.  
"Yes."  
My stomach drops out to my feet, and I close my tear-filled eyes, waiting for his reaction.

Then his arms are around me, holding me so tightly that it hurts, and I'm crying and he is too and _Sirius.  
_ "Mar! God, Mar..." He sounds choked, and I'm so happy that I'm sure that I'm danger of spontaneous combustion.  
"Sirius...Oh Sirius...it's actually you, I wasn't sure...I couldn't remember..."  
"Remus, what...how...?"  
"You'd better sit down."

Still clutching to me like I'm his life line, and he's mine, Sirius guides me gently over to the sofa, and I sit so close to him that I'm practically on his lap. Smiling broadly, Remus takes a deep breath and explains everything's that happened, more faster than I could've.  
"And then Dumbledore let her out and we used Side-Along Apparation to get here. That's everything, I think."  
Sirius and I still have an iron grip on each other, like we're scared that one of us is going to disappear.  
Sirius is probably scared of that, actually, and I can't blame him.

"So, you lost your memories? How do you know who I am, then?"  
"It would take more than a Memory Charm to make me forget you, Sirius."  
I smile at him, tears rising again, but I won't cry.  
"You're not dead."  
"No. I'm not."  
He sighs, and runs his hand through his hair.  
"Merlin, Mar, I'm so sorry."  
"Sorry? For what?"  
"You only came on that raid because of me. If I'd have been quicker, or-"

Turns out, kissing Sirius Black is an excellent way to shut him up.  
The kiss makes my head go all swimmy, but I let go and start dotting kisses all over his face, talking in between kisses, and he grins.  
"Sirius-Black-you-have-no-reason-to-be-sorry! I risked my life for you and I would do it again. In a heartbeat."  
"I don't know how I...I missed you so much."  
"Missing you doesn't even cover it, Sirius."  
"Merlin, I love you Mar."  
"I love you too."  
It's hard to say who looked happier, Sirius or Remus.

A loud knock on the door startles us, and my hand in on the borrowed wand before either of the boys have had time to react.  
"Who's there?" Sirius calls, and the person speaks in a relaxed drawl that's very familiar, and makes me smile.  
"It is I, Humongous Bighead, also known as James Potter or Prongs, and I am here to yell at Sirius Orion Black, or Mr Time-waster, for stressing my fiancée, Lily Evans out, majorly. Honestly, Sirius, where _have_ you been? I am here on orders to hex you from her Royal Highness herself!"

James comes lolloping in from the hallway, a mock-stern look on his face, and he stops as he sees Remus.  
"Remus! Don't even get me _started_ on you! We were supposed to meet up yesterday!"  
"James-" Sirius starts, grinning, but James ignores him.  
"And where have you been? You said you'd be over an hour ago and...oh..."

He's caught sight of me.  
"Sirius...?!" He asks faintly, obviously freaked out.  
"Yes?"  
"There's a girl who looks scarily like Marlene on the sofa with you!"  
I can't help it, I hop up, letting go of Sirius' hand reluctantly, and smile up at him.  
"Hello James!"  
"Mar..." His eyes look like they're about to fall out of his head.  
"Yep, that's my name."

I throw my arms around him, and he hugs me, laughing, and then looks at Sirius, confused.  
"Sirius? What's going on? I mean, no offence, Petal, but you were dead. Like, dead. Properly dead."  
"Well, I'm not. Sorry to disappoint you."  
"Not disappointed at all, dearest, just excited to see the look on Lily's face."

Sirius gasps, standing up, and throws his arm around me.  
"Oh my Merlin, Lily..."  
"Lily!" I squeal, and look at James. "Where is she? Can I see her? Where do you live?"  
"No, but...hang on a minute, you were dead-"  
"We can explain to you and Lily at the same time. There's no point repeating the story, as thrilling as it is. Come on, let's go!"

I grab Sirius' hand and start dragging him towards the door, and they all follow me, laughing.  
James leads us to a house near to the church, and I run up to the door, everything from the washing line to the flowers in the front garden bringing back memories.  
 _"Isn't it just perfect?" Lily gushes, and I nod, before grabbing her hands and swinging her around, giggling.  
"You're getting a house!"  
"With James Potter too! What would my fifth year self think?"_

"Mar? Marlene? Hello?" James looks confused, and I realise that I've stopped in the middle of the path.  
"You okay Mar?" Sirius sounds concerned.  
"I'm fine, it's just a memory."  
"Come on in then!"  
James beckons us, and we troop up to the front door, halting as James throws out his arm to stop us.

"Who's there?" An amazing familiar voice wafts out of the crack in the door, and it sounds stern.  
"Don't worry, it's me, love!" James cries, and Sirius rolls his eyes.  
"Ooooh! That's descriptive, thanks. It's _me._ "  
Her voice is practically dripping with sarcasm, and it's familiar, so I have to fight the urge to giggle.  
"Ok, ok, calm down. It is I, James Potter, your true love blah blah blah..."  
"Forget you, my true love are these cookies."  
"You made _cookies_! And you're eating them without _me?_!"  
"Yes, and now I'm stress eating. You better have brought Sirius with you, or these cookies are _mine_."  
"I've got Sirius, and Remus, and a surprise. I think that that _definitely_ deserves a cookie."  
"Good. Maybe. Is the surprise a wedding planner? Because that would be really useful right about now."  
"Nope, I've got something better."  
"Well come in, then. I need to moan at Sirius! I'm having withdrawal symptoms!"  
I giggle quietly, and Sirius rolls his eyes again.  
"Shut up Mar."  
"OK, wait here."  
James grins at me, and walks in with a grinning Remus, and a reluctant Sirius, dragging his feet, leaving me in the hallway.  
Lily comes into view, brilliant red hair tied up in a ponytail, and it's all I can do to not run in and engulf her in a hug straight away.  
"So, James, what is this surprise?"  
"OK, hang on, let me go and get it." Winking at her, he comes out into the hallway and I bite my lip, brimming over with excitement.  
"Right, Lily, before you ask, yes it is her, and no, I don't know how, and why."  
"What are you...? _O_ _h..."  
_

We stand for what feels like hours, but relatively is around five seconds, just looking at each other.  
Then we both squeal at the exact same time and run forward, crushing each other in an overwhelming hug.  
"Lily! Oh Merlin, Lily!"  
"Mar! What...how are you...I've missed you so much! I thought you were dead and oh my gosh that day on the raid..."  
"I've missed you so much too! And I reunited with Sirius and then James came and oh Lily!"  
After a minute or two of hugging and squealing, I step back, and Lily stands, hands on hips, as I lean into Sirius.  
"OK, what's going on?"  
They all look at me expectantly, and I shrug, stealing a cookie from the plate on the side.  
"Ask Remus."

Fifteen minutes later, I'm on my third cookie, and Lily and James are goggling at me as Remus describes how we left.  
"And then we used Side-Along-Apparation to get to Sirius' and then they reunited and it was very sweet, and then Mar dragged us here to see you."  
Remus finishes with a wary look at Lily, and Sirius nicks my last bit of cookie, popping it into his mouth.  
"So you've lost your memories, but they're coming back, yeah? Is that what happened when you stopped outside?"  
James still looks confused.  
"Yeah, I remembered the time that Lily came to show me this house for the first time."  
"Oh yeah, do you remember?"  
Lily smiles at the memory and starts explaining about the time to Sirius. I'm just about to ask about the wedding when my body suddenly relaxes, so I fall against Sirius. I'm panicking slightly, desperately trying to stay awake, but the darkness is too strong, and suddenly I'm lost in it.

 _"Remind me why we're doing this again?"  
I'm standing in the middle of a forest with Sirius, my robes pulled tightly around me against the cold.  
"We're doing this because I lost Remus' lunar watch last night while we were out here, and I need to get it back before he finds out that I lost it. And I say we, but you don't have to come, I said that."  
"I'm not going to let you go into the Forbidden Forest alone! You'd pick a fight with a Manticore and be dead in ten minutes."  
"I would not!"  
"Sirius, it is called the Forbidden Forest for a reason. Namely because it is 'forbidden'!"  
"Oh that's just advice! You know me! Anything that says 'forbidden' is like, I don't know, a challenge!"  
"You do know that there are bad things in this forest? Like wolves, and centaurs and spiders and urghh..."  
I shudder at the thought, and he grins as he hands me his wand.  
"Yes, but you'll have Padfoot to protect you."  
"What do you...?" I roll my eyes as he changes into his Animagus form, and licks my hand.  
_ _"Let's go, then..."_

 _We set off walking, and after barely ten minutes there is a loud rumble of hooves, and joyous yells.  
Sirius nudges my leg with his nose, and I look down at him, confused. "What?"  
I understand what he was trying to say, as a herd of centaurs come cantering into the clearing, stopping as they see me.  
"What are you doing here, girl?" The centaur at the front of the pack demands, and I shiver in fear.  
"I'm looking for something."  
"And what is that?"  
"A lunar watch. It was dropped by my friend yesterday, and I need to get it back."  
The centaurs form a sort of circle, and I can hear them talking, but not exactly what they're saying. Sirius however, still Padfoot, moves in front of me, growling, and I kneel down behind him, picking up something from the ground. After a minute or so, the centaurs turn to face me.  
"We have this lunar watch of yours, and are willing to bargain for it."  
To my immense surprise, I laugh out loud.  
"You're lying."  
"And why do you think that?"  
"Because I just found it."  
I hold up the lunar watch, smile sweetly at the herd, and turn, sprinting towards the exit of the forest, Sirius at my heels.  
It's only as we reach the grounds that I lurch forwards, jolting myself awake.  
_

I open my eyes, head aching, and I'm lying on the sofa in Lily and James' living room, surrounded by my concerned-looking friends. I reach my hand up and Sirius grabs it immediately like I'd hoped, pulling me up, and I frown, confused.  
"Well, that's new."

 **I hope the reunion scene was good! *smiles sheepishly*  
Don't forget to review!  
There's a new problem for Mar to deal with now!  
**

 **Thank you,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction**


	6. An old friend

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I** _ **do like**_ **writing about it.  
A/N: I'm glad you like it, KGHWI, I really like writing it!  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx  
**

"What...what happened?"  
I'm disorientated, groggy and confused. James opens his mouth, closes it, and then begins to explain.  
"We were talking, and then you kind of...fell on Sirius and passed out. He laid you down, and did all the usual stuff, you know, _Enervate,_ but none of them worked. You were tossing and turning and muttering to yourself, and Sirius was flapping and Lily freaked out."  
"I did not!"  
"Anyway," Sirius cut across James before he could retort. "what was it? Another memory?"  
"Yeah, it was a memory, a longer one this time. I mean, usually I can just force them back, but this time...this time I wasn't...I couldn't control it."  
There's a sombre moment, and then Sirius pipes up, looking curious.  
"What memory was it?"  
"It was the time me and you went into the Forbidden Forest and met the centaurs."  
"Right." Sirius tenses up at the memory, and I squeeze his hand.

"You went to the Forbidden Forest? With Mar?" Remus sounds incredulous.  
"Yeah!" I grin at him. "He would be dead right now if not for me!"  
"Why am I not surprised?" Lily sighs, and Sirius mock-glares at her before turning to me.  
"Are you sure you're okay Mar?" He sounds concerned, and I smile at him.  
"Just tired."  
"I bet you are," Lily winks at me. "We can be a bit...much for some people."  
"Ah, I put up with you guys for seven years, I think I can put up with you for a bit longer."  
We laugh, and Sirius stands up.  
"We should really get home. I've got a shift at nine, so I need to owl Moody and say that my girlfriend has come back from the dead, so I'm not coming in."  
"Well, I never actually _died_..."  
"Yeah, but _he_ doesn't know that..."  
We laugh again, and I stand up too, pulling Lily into one last hug, and she pulls back slightly.  
"Now, you go home and go to bed, ok? You've been through a lot, and James and I will come see you tomorrow about the wedding."  
"Yes, ma'am!" I salute to her, and Remus hugs me.  
"I'll come and see you tomorrow too. Take care of yourself, yeah?"  
"I will. Stay safe. All of you."

Waving at them, Sirius and I exit the house and start walking down the lane. Suddenly, he bursts out laughing.  
"What is it?"  
"It's just...when I woke up today, I had no idea that I would see you again, and yet you're here. Like, _actually_ here!"  
"Yep. I'm _actually_ here, Sirius. I honestly can't believe it myself!"  
We reach the house a minute later, and I stop in the hallway, looking upstairs.  
"Can I...umm...?"  
"What? Go upstairs? Of course! It's your house too!"  
"Cool."  
I run up the stairs, and stand on the landing, as a ginger cat with familiar bandy legs comes out of the room nearest to me. Purring, he rubs himself up against my legs, and I drop to my knees, stroking the cat along the length of its back.  
"Oh, you found Crooks! He's missed you loads."  
"He's my cat...isn't he?"  
"Yeah, you got him sixth year. Hated me at first, that cat. After you...you know, he used to go to Lily's all the time. She practically adopted him. Now, though, you're here, so he'll definitely stay."  
I grin at the sheepish look on Sirius' face, and pick up Crookshanks, who purrs comfortingly, and walk into a messy bedroom, painted green, with two distinct sides; one side littered with clothes, the other neat and tidy.  
"That's my side, right?" I point at the clean side, and Sirius nods, so I walk over and sit on the bed, letting Crookshanks go so he streaks across the room and out of sight. Sirius plonks himself down next to me, and I lean into him as he throws his arm around me.

We sit there for a few minutes, just content with holding each other, and then I spot something on my bedside table.  
"Is that my wand?"  
"Oh yeah, I picked it up just before Remus and I Disapparated."  
"Wow...thank you!"  
I snatch up my wand and kiss him quickly on the lips.  
"You seem happier to see the wand than you were to see me!" Sirius teases, and I shove him playfully.  
I yawn, trying to hide it behind my hand, but Sirius sees right through me.  
"Go to bed, love, I'll be up in a bit. I've got to owl Moody, and then wait for his reply."  
"Okay." I yawn again, and Sirius summons me one of his t-shirts, chucking it to me.  
"Love you." He kisses me, and it takes all of my self-restraint to pull away.  
"Love you too."

Once I'm dressed, I lie down in bed, and pull the covers over me, wide-awake. A minute later, a weight lands on the bed, and I jump up, startled, but it's just Crookshanks, who curls up by my feet and closes his eyes. His prescence, though not as comforting as Sirius' would be, is still reassuring, and a minute later I'm asleep.

 _I'm in a tiny room, barely 2 metres in length and width, and it's lit only by a small strip of light shining under the door.  
Everything hurts, and I whimper as I try to move my head. The back of my head is throbbing, and when I painfully reach up to touch it, I can feel blood. The feeling makes me dizzy, and I close my eyes, letting my head slump back to the floor.  
I'm only kept awake from the voices that suddenly fill the room from the corridor, angry and raised, not bothering to lower their voices._

 _"Are you sure? If the Dark Lord finds out..."  
Their voices fade as they continue down the corridor, and it's then that I remember the events the led me here.  
The raid. The man injured. The curse that hit me in the back. The horrible, heartbroken look on Sirius' face.  
Sirius!  
This is going to kill him.  
The voices start up again, loud and close, like they're right outside, and shadows dim the light I'm getting from the corridor.  
"So what was it she said?"  
"It was something like neither can live while the other survives."  
"Yes, that's what I heard. Who would have thought that the old bat could actually predict something of use?"  
"Well it's not useful yet. No one fits the match."  
"That's a shame. I'm sure that the Dark Lord will find out soon enough."  
"Of course. Who's in here?"  
"McKinnon. Marlene McKinnon."  
The second person's voice is oddly subdued, and strangely familiar.  
If only I could remember who it belongs to.  
"Let's see how she's doing, then!"_

 _The malice in his voice is unmistakeable, and I lift my head weakly as the door opens, flooding the room with light. The door is obstructed by a familiar silhouette. Isn't that...?  
But I still can't remember.  
The man steps in, points his short wand at me, and I'm drowning in the darkness again._

I sit bolt upright in bed, sweating and panting.  
My stomach gives a lurch, and I lean over the side of the bed just in time as I vomit, emptying my aching stomach.  
"Sirius," I croak, tears springing to my eyes, and then almost laugh. He can't hear me; he's downstairs.  
I try to call out, but my vocal chords are oddly tight and sore, like I've been screaming for hours. Crookshanks, who I forgot was there if I'm being honest, leaps down lightly and runs out of the room.

A minute later, I'm attempting to get out of bed, weak and shaking, when I hear Sirius come to the bottom of the stairs.  
"Mar? Are you alright?"  
"Sirius..." I croak, and then he runs up the stairs, wand raised.  
He comes into the bedroom, and instantly picks me up, laying me back down in the bed.  
"Hey...hey...Sshhh you're going to be fine..." He vanishes the mess on the floor, and summons a bin from the bathroom, setting it down on the bedside table. Using _Accio,_ he grabs a cloth, wets it, and wipes my face, then rocks me as I cry.

"Mar?"  
"Yeah?" I look up at him through tired eyes.  
"Are you going to be sick again?"  
I shake my head; I don't feel sick anymore.  
"Sirius?"  
"Yes Mar?"  
"How did you know to come up here?"  
"Crookshanks," He sounds mildly impressed. "He came down and started scratching my leg, and I remembered him doing that when you were sick that one time in sixth year, so I thought I'd just check...and thank Merlin I did."  
I cough again, a horrible taste filling my mouth, and he passes me a glass of water from the side, which I gulp gratefully.  
"What happened, Mar?"  
"No, it was..." I take a deep breath. "It was a dream."  
"Not a good one, I'm guessing?"  
"No. Not a good one."

I take a deep breath, and start trying to decide what the hell to do now.

 **A/N: I'd like to quickly explain the Crookshanks thing.  
If you haven't checked it out, there's a great theory about Crookshanks actually being Lily and James' cat, so I just amended it a bit, so now Crookshanks will have been Marlene's. This will be important later, and all will become clear!  
Don't forget to review!**

 **Buenos tardes,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	7. A filthy, stinking rat, literally

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I** _ **do like**_ **writing about it!  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

When I wake up, sunlight is streaming through the window, and Sirius is sitting up in bed, running his hand through his hair.  
"Sirius? Are you okay?"  
"Oh, Mar, I didn't know that you were awake. Yeah, I'm fine, what about you?"  
"I'm okay. What's wrong?"  
"Nothing's wrong."  
"Yeah, and I'm Merlin. You have to go to work, don't you?"  
"Well, Dumbledore wants to see me about something, but I can always postpone it."  
"No, it's fine. Go and see Dumbledore. Lily said she was coming over in a bit anyway, and I'm probably just going to laze around for a while."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yep. Really. Honestly, it's fine."  
"Thanks, Mar. I'll be back as soon as I can, alright?"  
"Uh-huh."

* * *

An hour later, I'm dressed, Sirius has left, and I'm curled up on the sofa, eating some slightly stale cornflakes I found in the back of the cupboard, practising using my wand again. Crookshanks comes in through the cat flap and jumps up to lay across my lap, so I bury my fingers in his fur, and summon the bag of cat food I found during my search of the cupboard, pouring a bit in a bowl and setting it on the floor. My cat leaps down and eats the food gratefully, and a loud hooting from the window jerks me out of my daydream.

I get up and walk over to the window, pushing it wide enough open for a beautiful barn owl to get in. It sticks its leg out to let me take its letter, and I take it gratefully, unfurling it.

 _Mar,  
I'm coming over in five minutes to discuss the wedding.  
Make sure that you're dressed, and I'll see you in a minute.  
Love,  
Lily x_

Smiling, I put away the cornflakes and brush through my hair, pulling it up into a straggly ponytail.  
By the time Lily knocks on the door, I'm rolling a bottle cap for Crookshanks to chase, and I get up to answer the door.  
"Lily!"  
"Hi Mar!"  
We hug, and I lead her into the living room.  
"I would offer you tea, but I don't think Sirius has any..."  
"Don't worry, I came prepared!" Lily produces some teabags and a packet of biscuits from her handbag, and I could kiss her.  
When the tea's done, and we've munched our way through half the packet of biscuits, Lily leans forward.

"So, Mar, you know I'm getting married soon, and I didn't really expect you to not be dead, so I hadn't planned a spot for you in the wedding party."  
"That's ok, I mean, I'd love to come-"  
"No, no, of course you're coming, what I really wanted to ask you is...will you be my Maid of Honour?"  
"Really?"  
I'm too shocked to get any other words out.  
"I mean, it's fine if you don't want to, I know that it's kind of late notice, but I just was wondering..."  
"Lily! I'd be honoured!"  
She squeals and hugs me, and we're both giggling as she pulls me to my feet. An idea hits me, and I wink at her before spinning her around.  
"You're getting married!"  
"I'm getting married!"  
"To James Potter!"  
"To James Potter!"  
"You're going to be Mrs Potter!"  
"I'm going to be Mrs Potter. Merlin, I'm _actually_ going to be Mrs Potter. That's weird."  
We stop dancing, breathless, and Lily's got tears in her eyes that she hurriedly wipes away.  
"Lily? What's up?"  
"I just never thought I'd dance around with you like a lunatic again."  
"Well that's what I'm here for!" I joke, and we sit down on the sofa again.

There's a knock on the door, and Lily turns to me, confused.  
"James is staying at home, is that Sirius?"  
"No, he's going to see Dumbledore, he'll be a while."  
"I'll go see who it is. You make some more tea."  
I start making more tea, and I can hear Lily talking to someone.  
"James said you'd be round here, Lily, and I wanted to hear about the wedding plan again. James didn't know much about it."  
"That's doesn't surprise me!" Lily sounds amused, and I relax at the noise.

She enters with someone I remember, and he's laughing, relaxed.  
"Oh, Peter, James obviously didn't tell you! Mar was found on a Death Eater raid. She lost her memories, but they're coming back."  
Peter Pettigrew looks at me, all the blood drains from his face, and he starts sweating. My hand instantly flinches towards my wand, and I'm angry, _scared_ , but I don't know why.  
"Mar! It's...it's g-great to s-see you. S-Sirius missed you v-very much."  
"Shame the same can't be said for you, huh?"

My voice is cold, and hard, and I'm _angry_ , really angry, and for the life of me I can't remember _why.  
_ "Umm...did I miss something?" Lily sounds confused, and I know that I need to keep it together.  
"No, Lily. The sight of Peter here has just sent so many memories to me that it's like I've been _stabbed in the back_."  
I spit, glaring at Peter, and he visibly shrinks under my stern gaze.  
But why am I mad at him?

Standing up, I stumble slightly, and Lily catches my arm.  
"Are you feeling alright, Mar?"  
"No, I'm feeling a little _betrayed_."  
"What?"  
That's exactly what I'm thinking.  
Peter looks like he's about to cry.  
"Oh, sorry, what did I say? I meant ill. I think I'll go lie down. Feel free to stay though, Lily, I'll only be fifteen minutes, and I'm sure Sirius wouldn't mind if you want a break from James!"  
I smile at her, desperate to be alone and sit down and find out what is going on with me, and she takes the hint.  
"That would be great actually. There's only so much James Potter one can withstand."  
She gives me a stern look, one that says that we'll be talking about this later, and I nod at her gratefully, practically running up the stairs.

I've only just laid down as the memory hits me like a tidal wave.  
 _There are crashes, and bangs, and yells all around me, and I'm still lying on the floor, head bleeding, shaking and weak.  
The door in front of me bangs open, and two men run in, one masked, the other not, and that one is someone I think I recognise.  
"What should we do with her? Kill her?" The masked one hisses, and the short, plump man shakes his head.  
"No, if we can get her again, she'll be great for bait."  
"Bait? Really? Are you sure you're not just being weak because she's one of your 'friends'?"  
"I'll wipe her memory. That way she can't spill on us. She'll probably die from her injuries anyway."_

 _There's another bang, and a yell, the masked one snarls at the shorter one.  
"I'm getting out of here. The Order are getting through our defenced. Hurry up!"  
With that, the masked one Disapparates.  
A flash of light illuminates the remaining Death Eater, and I fight the urge to cry out in surprise.  
Peter Pettigrew.  
That filthy, stinking rat.  
He points his short wand at me, mutters something, and I dissolve into the darkness.  
_

I sit bolt upright again, feeling sick again, but this time for a different reason. I grab my wand, intent on getting down there and blasting that slime ball into pieces, but one thing stops me.  
My Unbreakable Vow.  
Merlin's beard!  
If I went down there and killed him for being part of the Death Eaters, or even tried to arrest him, I wouldn't be able to prove it, or explain. My Unbreakable Vow would kill me before I could get anything out, and he would go free!  
Argghhh!  
But I can be sneaky about this.  
If I tell him that I know, he might stop. I could tell him I'll arrest him, but then he might kill me.  
He couldn't kill me. At least not directly. He's too weak for that.  
Besides, I always beat him at duels.  
I'll give him a little _warning._

I stand up, wiping my sweaty hair out of my eyes, and practically fly down the stairs, only intent on getting down to the living room.  
"Mar! Are you okay?" Lily looks concerned, but there's something steely in her eyes, and I don't know what I'm going to tell her.  
"Yes, I'm fine now, I really don't know what came over me. I'm dreadfully sorry, Pete."  
For a second, he looks relieved, and I grin internally at his apparent relief.

I lean down, and embrace him, all the time wishing _to hex his filthy hands off me_ , but I have to keep up appearances.  
I whisper in his ear.  
"I know. I know, Peter, and you better give it up, _now_ , or I'll do more than threaten you."

I pull away, and he looks at me with wide, watery, fearful eyes, so I stare into them, never blinking.

 **Thank you!  
Don't forget to review!  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	8. Terms and Conditions

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Unfortunately.  
There is some minor Dumbledore bashing in this chapter, and I don't know if what I say about Unbreakable Vows is true, but it fits with the storyline.  
** **A/N: Hi TheTaleOfTheSpinster, I just wanted to let you know that Mar and Fly are different people, and the stories may or may not fit in with each other. I haven't decided yet!  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

With a fearful look at me, Peter scurries out barely five minutes later, and Lily turns to me, eyebrows raised.  
"What in the name of _Merlin_ was that about?"  
"Lily-"  
"Don't you _Lily_ me! Why are you mad at Peter?"  
"I...umm...I don't know?"  
It sounds more like a question than it does an answer, and Lily's not convinced.  
"You _don't know!_ You _don't know_! What do you mean, you _don't know_? Are you _serious_?"  
"No, I'm Mar." I grin, but she's no laughing.  
"Honestly, Mar, if he's done something to you, you should tell me, James could talk to him, or Sirius-"  
"Lily, thank you, but it's nothing you could resolve. The sight of him just brought up some memories, and not all of them were good."

She opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted by a knocking on the door, and I hear it swing open.  
"Who's there?"  
"Relax, Mar, it is I, Sirius Orion Black, your drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend, and I have brought Albus Dumbledore, who has too many middle names for me to list here."  
"Yes, okay, but how do I know that it's you?"  
"We first kissed on the Astronomy Tower, and after we kissed you laughed because you didn't expect it to be half as good as it was. How do I know that it's _you_?"  
"Umm...on our first date you got all jealous because the waiter kept hitting on me, and then we kissed under a lamppost."  
"Nice detailing..."

Sirius comes sauntering in, and I hug him tightly. Behind him comes my _dear_ friend Dumbledore, and Sirius feels me stiffen.  
"Mar? What's wrong?"  
"I'd like to talk to you Professor, if you wouldn't mind, about our agreement."  
Lily stands up, pulling her coat on.  
"Well, I'll be going now. But, Mar, we _are_ talking later. OK?"  
"Yes, Lily. Bye!"  
We hug and she walks out the door, tucking her wand back into her pocket.

"You wished to speak with me, Miss McKinnon?"  
"Yes sir."  
"Excellent. Sirius, kindly give us a moment."  
Sirius says nothing, but just looks at me, comforting and concerned, and I nod at him, so he walks up the stairs.  
"So, how may I help you, Miss McKinnon?"  
"I'd like to revoke my Unbreakable Vow. Is that possible?"  
"It is rare, of course, but you'd need consent from the Bonder. And I regret to say that I cannot revoke your vow."  
I'm shocked into silence, and he speaks again, gently.  
"What made you change your mind?"  
"I started to remember."  
"Ah. I see."  
"Why did you ask me to make that vow?"  
"Excuse me?"  
It's then that I see it; a flicker of emotion behind the calm mask. It's that, aside from everything, that gives me the courage to confront him. The fact that he's human too, and that he can hurt, and that he _knows_.

"You know." I'm so full of anger that I'm struggling to get the words out. "You know what I'm remembering. You know where Peter's loyalties lie and you've mad it so that I can't tell them. You could have told them and you _haven't_!"  
"I'm afraid that I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Don't lie to me Professor. Please."  
There's a minute of silence, and every second feels like a millennia.  
"Revoke my vow."  
"I can't do that, Miss McKinnon."  
"Then tell them yourself. Do you really care so little for them that you would let them be betrayed by someone they call a friend?"  
"Miss McKinnon, you must understand that I believe Mr Pettigrew can be persuaded..."

I'm grinning as he says this, but there's no joy in it, because he's just dug himself into a deeper hole, and what's worse is he _knows_ it.  
"So you do know what I'm talking about. You lied to me."  
"Miss McKinnon, this vow you have made is for the greater good-"  
"Is that what Grindelwald said, Professor?"  
Anger is coursing through my veins, white-hot and bitter, and I don't care if I'm being rude or over-stepping any boundary.  
I know that I passed the line a long time ago, but these are my friends and no one hurts them. _No one_.  
"Is that what Grindelwald said? That all those killings were for the greater good? We learnt about him in History of Magic, and no one listened, but I did. You knew him, didn't you? But that's beside the point. I will find out a way to help them, even if it kills me."

It takes a moment for him to compose himself, and when he answers, his voice is steely and firm.  
"Miss McKinnon, I have listened to _you_ , now I would like you to listen to _me_. I understand your frustration, I really do. But the vow you made binds you, and you cannot break it without wiping your existence from memory. Mr Pettigrew's actions have been far from honourable, but he we encountered him as we arrived, and I assure you that he looked sufficiently terrified. He does not know about your vow to keep your memories of those nights quiet, so to him, you are a threat. I doubt he will try anything while you are present in this group. Your friends are safe for the moment."

I'm dissatisfied with this answer, but I know that I need to say calm, or Sirius will know something's wrong.  
"What am I supposed to tell them? That I have developed an irrational fear of stinking traitors?"  
He smiles slightly. "I would tell them that your first memory of him was something negative. That way, your anger is justified."  
"Fine. One more thing."  
"And what is that, Miss McKinnon?"  
"I don't want him in my house."  
"I will mention it to Sirius on your behalf when I owl him about his shifts for the Order. On that note, Miss McKinnon, are you going to be re-joining the Order of the Phoenix?"  
"Not right now, Professor. I feel like I have quite enough to deal with, what with getting a new job and all."  
"That sounds like an excellent idea, Miss McKinnon. Now, I must bid you farewell. Managing a school of young witches and wizards can be quite the handful, I tell you."  
"I would expect so, sir."

My former Headmaster doffs his hat to me, turns and strides briskly out of the front door.  
I collapse down on the sofa, exhausted, and Sirius comes down the stairs, pulling a jacket on.  
"Are you okay? What did Dumbledore want?"  
"Just wanted to know about how I was getting on."  
I hate how easily I lie.

"Right." He nods, but still looks uncertain. My stomach gives a loud rumble, and when I look at the clock I notice that it's nearly lunchtime.  
"Merlin, I'm hungry." I mutter, and Sirius grins excitedly.  
"Is there anything in the cupboard we can have for lunch?"  
"Not unless you want stale cornflakes or cat food."  
"Oh, shove it, let's go out. There's a really nice Muggle café next to the church."  
"Great!"  
Sirius pulls out to my feet, I grab my coat from the hook on the wall, and we set off for the café, hand-in-hand.

* * *

"Wow..." I groan happily as we leave the café, and Sirius smiles happily.  
"That cake, though..."  
"I know. I could have eaten the whole thing by myself!"  
"Not if I got there first."  
We laugh, and then he turns to me, looking thoughtful.  
"Oh, I forgot to say, I bumped into Peter on the way home."  
Trying to sound inconspicuous, I fashion myself a lofty air. "Really?"  
"Yeah. He looked bloody terrified of something."  
"Right." I must sound guilty, because Sirius looks at me.  
"What did you _do_?"  
"I just...it wasn't a big deal. I just wasn't very... _nice_."  
"Why not?"  
"The first thing I remembered about him was the time...that he crashed our date in seventh year!"  
I'm bluffing now, hoping that there _was_ a time that Peter crashed our date in seventh year, but Sirius thankfully seems to believe it.

It's then that I remember something that I wanted to ask him, something I can't believe that I forgot to ask him and it hits me like a slap in the face. "Sirius?"  
"Yeah?"  
"What happened to my...my family?"  
Sirius takes a deep breath, and I can hear the emotion in his voice as he speaks.  
"The day after you...disappeared, your family were...were found in your house. Voldemort..."  
He doesn't need to finish the sentence, because I know what he's implying. My breathing goes funny, all raspy, and it hits me then, that they're gone and there's one thing that's making me feel _unbelievably_ guilty.  
"The funny thing is," My voice sounds calm, the way I'm forcing it to be, and Sirius looks at me worriedly. "The funny thing is, I don't even remember them enough to miss them."

 **This chapter has made me sad. I hope it didn't make you sad!  
Don't forget to review!  
Thank you!  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	9. Obsessive Cleaning Disorder

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Unfortunately.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

I've been obsessively cleaning for about an hour now, and Sirius still hasn't given up on trying to stop me.  
"Mar, it's okay, it's not your fault-"  
"What kind of daughter doesn't remember her parents? And that's not even the worst part!"  
"Mar-"  
"The worst part is that I am going to remember them, and it's going to hurt, and I can't stand the waiting and urghh! Why won't this stain _come out_?!"  
"OK, Mar, you need to stop." Sirius comes over and takes the cloth out of my hand.  
"But Sirius-"  
"No, you _need_ to stop. It's not healthy. You need to do something else."  
"Like what?"  
"Like...read? Or you could go and see Lily?"  
"She's on a shift."  
"You could see Peter?"  
" _No._ "  
"Why not? What's wrong with-"  
"I just _can't_ , okay?"  
"OK." He still looks concerned, and I smile tiredly at him.  
"Let's do something. I said to Remus that I'd go and see Moody, and I want to see my old office."  
"That's a good idea, and I'm off for the rest of the day anyway."  
"Great."

Forty-five minutes later, I step out of a lift at the Ministry, Sirius' hand on my back, and I walk left automatically, turning left, then right, then left again, through a set of double doors, and into a room filled with cubicles. I may not recognise my surroundings, but I remember the way, and enter the cubicle on the end. It's neat, and packed up, papers piled, and I realise that no one must have touched it since I disappeared. The walls are papered with personal touches; old photographs, memos I received, notes on things I noticed or liked, suspect lists and a huge map, dotted with different colour pins. The sight knocks me off guard, and I stumble as a memory hits me.

 _"So, McKinnon, this will be your office."  
A grizzled looking man, covered in scars, peers down at me from where I'm perched on a desk stool.  
"Thanks Mad-Eye." I grin, and he raises what would be his eyebrows.  
"Now, I know that you're good in the field-"  
"Thank you!"  
"However, we've put you on a research task for the time being."  
Although most Aurors would groan at being put on a desk job, I clap my hands together in excitement.  
"So, who am I researching?"  
"Death Eater by the name of Avery. Suspected to have been a part of the attack in Edinburgh last week. Not much about his family, who seemed to be pureblood supremacists in their time."  
"Seemed to be? So they're dead?"  
"We reckon so. They vanished without a trace about two years ago, taking nothing with them. The mother, the father, and the younger sister. They were last spotted in Muggle London, and their family manor was recently ransacked by a blood relative, we know because of the wards."  
"So could Avery be trying to get them back?"  
"That's what we need you to investigate, McKinnon."  
"I won't let you down!"  
"Good. And remember:"  
"Constant vigilance." I bark, and he lifts his lips in what could be a smile._

"Mar?"  
"Uh-huh...yeah?"  
"Are you feeling okay?"  
"Yeah, just a memory. Did we catch Avery?"  
"Avery? Yeah, thanks to your input."  
I smile at that, and walk over to the wall, running my finger gently across the papers. A photograph in the centre catches my eye, and I bend slightly to look at it more clearly. It shows a family. Me, younger, and two little boys, with identical grins on their faces. A man with his arm around a smiling woman. A note scribbled at the bottom tells me what I already know.  
 _The McKinnons. 1975.  
_ Tears fill my eyes as I look at us again, waving happily at the camera. My family. The family that I barely remember.  
I'm too busy trying not to cry when I struck by another memory.

 _"Marlene! Toby's taken my wand again!"  
"Toby, give Johnny back his wand!"  
"Owww! Mar!"  
"What?"  
"Jonathan hit me!"  
"Johnny!"  
"He took my wand!"  
"Both of you, get down here. Now!"_

 _I'm standing up in the living room of a messy home, a washing basket hanging off my arm, and two boys come hurtling down the stairs, bickering the whole way. "You're just jealous, because my wand is better than yours!"  
"I'm not jealous! Who wants a mangy old unicorn hair in their wand, anyway?"  
"Toby! Mar! Toby's being mean again!"  
"BOYS!" I yell, cutting them both off. "STOP ARGUING OR I WILL TURN YOU INTO POTTED PLANTS!"  
"But Toby took my wand!"  
"Well, Johnny stole my broom yesterday!"  
"That was only because you drove my broom into a wall!"  
"That wasn't my fault!"  
"Well who's fault was it, then?"  
"TOBIAS! JONATHAN! STOP IT!"  
"But he said-"  
"But he stole my-"  
"I DON'T CARE! How old are you?"  
"Ten." The boys mutter moodily, and I cross my arms.  
"Well, you're not acting like it! You're acting like three-year olds. Now stop arguing, or I'll tell Mum."  
_

 _"You'll tell Mum..." Toby scoffs. "How terrifying..."  
"Tobias-"  
"Mar! He pinched me!"  
They both continue bickering, and I groan, dropping the empty washing basket, and picking up my wand. With a mischievous grin, I flick my wand, dousing them in icy-cold water.  
"MAR!" Jonathan shouts, and they both start spitting out water, coughing and spluttering.  
"Now, upstairs, dry yourselves off and get in your pajamas, and I'll be up in a minute."  
Grumbling to themselves but otherwise staying mercifully silent, they troop up the stairs, dripping water on the grey carpet_ _.  
_

I'm crying in earnest now, and Sirius pulls me into a tight hug. He's doesn't say anything, and I'm glad for it, because nothing he could say would make this alright. I'm soaking his jumper with my tears, and he's shaking slightly, rubbing my back in a circle soothingly. We stay like that for a minute, and I let it all flow out of me, both of us mourning the little boys in the picture.  
"Are they...are they really gone?"  
I whisper in his ear, voice hoarse and shaking.  
"Yes, Mar. I'm sorry, Merlin, I'm so sorry."  
I let out a strangled noise and bury my head in his shoulder, and we stay like that, him holding me, until my sobs begin to subside.

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	10. The Phantom Headache

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Unfortunately.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
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 _"Happy birthday, Marlene!"  
"Thank you, Mum!"_

I've been plagued by memories of my family ever since I saw that photo at the Ministry, and I have to fight to keep my mind in the present, and focus on Lily.  
"So then the flowers will be there, and the bouquet will be lilies, but the flower arrangements can't be, because they make James' mum sneeze, and-Mar! Are you listening to me?"  
I look up at her, eyes tired, and her face softens slightly.  
"I'm sorry, Lily, I am listening, I'm just tired, this memory charm thing is really taking it out of me."  
"Why don't you go and lay down?"  
"No, I need to stop having naps, I keep waking up at four in the morning."  
"Then we'll take a break, okay? I need the loo, anyway."  
"Okay."

I smile at her, and she gets up, running up the stairs to use the toilet. I'm sifting through the pile of paperwork on the table, when I'm struck by the wave of dizziness, and I barely get to the sofa in time before I pass out.  
 _"And you're sure that they think she's dead?"  
I'm in the cell again, but I'm not in as much pain this time, and my head isn't bleeding yet.  
This must have been earlier on.  
"Dolohov isn't sure whether we should send a letter. Maybe with some blood?"  
The excitement in his voice at the idea of blood sickens me.  
"No, they think she is dead. Her funeral was held last week."  
"Oh, but of course, you attended, didn't you, Pettigrew?"  
It's the man and Pettigrew again, and he's mocking the man who I thought was my friend.  
"The Dark Lord does not object to me being close to them, Rowle, so neither should you."  
"Go and speak to her then. See if we can get her to cooperate."  
So now the second man has a name. Rowle.  
_

 _The door bangs open again, and I lift my head as Rowle saunters in, twisting his wand in his fingers. Peter lingers outside the door, only his boots peeking out.  
"McKinnon. Good evening."  
"Tell Peter to come in here and face me himself. Coward." I spit, and Rowle raises his eyebrows.  
"So we agree then, that Pettigrew here is a coward. Maybe there could be another thing that we agree on."  
"Save your breath. I will never join you. Bloody cowards. Hiding behind masks because you're too ashamed to take ownership for your actions."  
Rowle clenches his fists.  
"Blood traitor. How dare you betray the name of McKinnon? You were once a glorious family. Look at you now. Reduced to a shuddering mess on the floor."  
"I'd rather be a shuddering mess on the floor than a disgrace to the name of wizard."  
He flicks his wand. "Enough!"  
I fly backwards and hit the wall, then slump to the ground, head bleeding, coughing and spluttering.  
"Isn't that enough, Rowle?" Pettigrew's voice sounds from the doorway. "We need her alive!"  
"Fine. You're safe, McKinnon. For now."  
He bows repulsively, greasy hair flying, and I spit at his feet, disgusted. He points his wand at me, snarling, so that I'm falling once more.  
_

"Mar! Mar! God, Mar, are you okay?"  
I open my eyes to see Lily, hovering in front of me, red hair dancing. I'm shaking, hands quivering, freezing cold and boiling hot.  
"Lily..." I croak, and she steps back, dithering.  
"Do you want me to get Sirius? Are you okay? What happened?"  
"Memory. Not a good one. I need..."  
I retch, and lay back on the sofa, exhausted.  
"Do you want me to get Sirius?" Lily kneels in front of me, eyes furrowed with concern, and I blink, trying to clear the spots in front of my eyes.  
"No, I don't want to worry him-"  
"Mar, do you need Sirius?"  
I sigh. "Or Remus. Whoever's closest, please."  
My body racks with shudders, and I grab Lily's hand, squeezing it tightly.  
"Mar, do you need to go to Saint Mungo's?" Lily's asking me seriously, and I try to focus on her.  
"I don't...I don't know...I just...don't know..."  
Tears are trailing down my face now, feeling all at once cold and hot.  
I'm sweating and shivering, hot and cold, struggling to keep my eyes open, but I have to keep them open.  
I don't know what will happen if I close them.

Lily grabs her wand, and mutters something, a silvery doe shooting out of the end of it, and it flies out of the window, disappearing from sight.  
"I've sent a message to Sirius, Mar, but I don't know how to move you, without hurting you."  
"I don't need the hospital." My voice is barely a whisper. "I don't. Not right now. All the questions..."  
"Mar, they can help-"  
"Not now. Not yet."  
She shakes her head, obviously confused, but too concerned to contradict me.  
"Sirius shouldn't be a minute."  
I focus on her words, tell myself that Sirius is coming, but I don't understand why it's affected me so badly. Memories, bad ones, are flowing over me, all around me, and I have to stop remembering because these memories, they _hurt_. Staring up at the ceiling, I watch a spider painstakingly create a web, and I'm jerked out of my reverie as I hear running footsteps. The front door bursts open, and Lily doesn't bother to check who it is, just moves out of the way to let Sirius in.

"Mar...are you okay?"  
"Not really."  
Sirius grabs my hand, and pushes my hair out of my face, biting his lip worriedly.  
"What happened? Was it another...?"  
I nod, and the action sends a wave a pain through me, so I hiss in pain and grab at my head. The place where I had my head wound aches, like it remembers the wound, and I feel like I'm _there_ again, too weak to move properly, everything sore.  
"Should we take her to Saint Mungo's?"  
Lily looks worriedly at Sirius, but he's looking at me as he answers.  
"I think so."  
"Sirius-"  
"Mar, tell me, honestly, do you think you can get up right now?"  
"I..." I frown, and even that hurts. "I can try."  
"Mar-"  
"I have to try, Sirius."  
"Mar, if nodding hurt, I doubt you can stand up."

I make a noise of frustration, and push myself into sitting position, groaning as a jolt of pain runs through me, and Sirius grabs my shoulder.  
"Alright?"  
"I think so."  
I reach my hand around to rub my back, and Sirius replaces my hand on my leg, rubbing my back himself.  
"Are you sure that you don't need to go to hospital?"  
"Yeah. I think I just need to rest. I'll be fine."  
"Peter said that he might come over later, is that okay?"  
"No!" I say vehemently, shaking my head and trying not to wince. "Please no."  
"Why not?" Sirius looks confused, and Lily narrows her eyes.  
"Just...I don't want them to see me like this. I'm sorry." I mutter, and Sirius nods in understanding.  
"They won't hold it against you, I promise."  
"I know, but I not normally like this...I don't want them to pity me."  
"They won't."

There's a loud rap on the door, and I sigh as Sirius raises his wand to see who it is.  
"Who's there?"  
"It is I, James Potter, and I have come to see if my fiancée, Lily Evans, soon to be Potter, is alright, because she was supposed to back ages ago."  
"Oh, sorry, James, I completely forgot."  
Lily sweeps forward and they kiss quickly, and James pulls her into a brief hug.  
"You scared me, Lils."  
"I'm fine. I just lost track of time."  
It's then that James notices me, clutching the back of the sofa to keep myself upright.  
"Mar? Are you okay?"  
"Yep." I say sharply, and then relax slightly. "Sorry, I'm just tired."  
"She passed out again." Lily explains, and I try not to scowl at her.  
"Really? Was it a memory again?"  
"Uh-huh. I'm fine, really." I say, because they're all looking at me like I'm about to break. I stand up, steadying myself on the sofa, and Sirius jumps to attention. "I'm just going to the toilet."  
"Are you sure? I mean, going up the stairs-"  
"I'll manage. I'll be fine, Sirius."

I get up slowly, edge my way over to the stairs, and pull myself up the stairs, one at a time, trying not to cry out.  
I can feel Sirius watching me concernedly as I go.  
When I reach the landing, I stop for a minute; just walking up the stairs has tired me out.  
Walking into the bathroom, I close the door and slump down the floor., once again perplexed.

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	11. Hugs and a pint of Firewhiskey

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Unfortunately.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
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"Sirius, I'm _fine_!"  
"You're not! You passed out like, an hour ago!"  
"Yes, a whole hour ago! I am going for a walk, Sirius. The fresh air will do me good."  
"Then why can't I come?"  
"I just want to think."  
"But what if you pass out again?"  
"I won't! And if I do, I'll just sit down for a minute."  
"But, _Mar..._ "  
"Please, Sirius..." I pout at him, fluttering my eyelashes, and he pecks me on the lips.  
"Fine. But let me know ASAP if something happens."  
"I will. How long will you be gone for?"  
"Maybe an hour? Love you."  
"Love you too."

Pulling on my coat, I blow him a kiss and step out into the frigid air, shivering. I've just reached the square when I realise that I've forgotten my wand, and double back around past Lily and James' house to go and get it, knowing that it's foolish to go out without it. The front door isn't locked, we never really lock it, so I pull it open, and shut it, wandering into the living room.  
My mouth drops open silently.  
Sirius and another woman are standing in the kitchen, hands in each others' hair, kissing passionately.  
My heart skips a beat.  
She lets out a little moan, and my throat constricts, heart aching with a pain so fierce that it's suddenly hard to breathe.  
Closing my eyes, tears welling up, I steel myself and then clear my throat quietly.

They break apart and regard them coldly, swallowing my tears.  
"Love me, huh? Nice one."  
"Mar," Sirius' voice is hoarse and pleading. "Mar, it's not what it looks like-"  
"I'm sure it's not. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some stuff to pack."  
"Mar-"  
I brush past him, running up the stairs, blinded by tears, throwing my wand, a few books, a few sets of clothes, my toiletries and my pyjamas into a rucksack. Grabbing my jumper and the bag, I turn and storm down the stairs, stopping in front of the woman, who has at least got the decency to look embarrassed. I take a second, so when I speak, my voice is that of forced calm.

"What's your name?"  
"Me? Um...Evelyn Sander."  
"Well, Evelyn, I hope you and Sirius are very happy together."  
Crookshanks comes slinking into the living room, and I hoist him up into my arms. Sirius reaches out and grabs my arm, tears shining in his grey eyes.  
"Mar...please, _listen_..."  
"Let go of me, please." I say quietly, stroking Crookshanks' fur, trying to calm him, and Sirius lets go reluctantly.  
Taking a shuddering breath, I turn on my heel and walk out.

A few minutes later, I arrive at Lily and James' place, and knock on the door with the back of my hand, clutching a squirming Crookshanks.  
"Who is it?"  
"Marlene McKinnon, owner of Crookshanks the cat. Can I come in?"  
"Course." James pulls the door open and takes in the sight of me. "You alright, sweetheart?"  
"Not really." I bite my lip, looking beseechingly up at him, and he moves out of the way to let me in.  
"What's going on?"  
"Who's Evelyn Sander?"  
His reaction is instantaneous; he pales, fidgeting awkwardly.  
"A few weeks after your funeral, Sirius was in mourning, and Evelyn moved in next door to him. A month later, they were dating, not seriously, and when you came back...let's just say she went out of the window. He broke up with her the next day."  
"Is that what he told you?" I laugh, a bitter laugh, devoid of all emotion. "Then tell me, why did I go to our place five minutes ago to find him and _Evelyn_ making out in the middle of the living room?  
" _What?!"  
_ "Yep. The great Sirius Black. A cheater."

"What's going on?" Lily comes in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a tea towel.  
"Would you mind looking after Crookshanks and my stuff?"  
"Or course, but why?"  
"I'm going out."  
"Are you sure? You've just had a really big shock-"  
"I'll be fine. I'll see you in an hour or so."  
"Okay." James looks worried. "But let us know if you need us."  
"I will."  
"Mar, what-"  
"James will explain. I'm going down to the Leaky Cauldron. See you in a bit."  
With that, I set Crookshanks down on the carpet, fish my wand out of my bag, turn on my heel, and stride out.  
As soon as I'm out of range of the Anti-Apparation wards, I Disapparate, reappearing in the doorway of the Leaky Cauldron.

"Marlene McKinnon, as I live and breathe."  
"Hullo Tom." I clamber up onto a bar stool, and settle there.  
"Word on the street is that you kicked the bucket on a Death Eater raid down in Shropshire."  
"Well I'm here, aren't I?"  
"I suppose you are. Now, what can I get for you, sweetheart?"  
"A pint of Firewhiskey, please."  
"Coming right up."  
He pulls out a glass and pours me the drink, tilting up the dusty-looking bottle, handing it to me. I take it with a nod, and slam a Galleon down on the counter. "Ta, sweetheart."

I take a swig of the alcohol, shuddering as it burns the back of my throat.  
"Ahh..." I sigh, taking another gulp, and he raises his eyebrows, eyeing me knowingly.  
"Boy trouble?"  
"Tell me about it." I mutter darkly, playing with my glass, and he chuckles.  
"Come on then, who's the lucky fellow?"  
"A prat by the name of Sirius Black."  
"Black? I thought he was going out with Sander."  
"Did you now?"  
"Yeah, they were in here yesterday."  
"So Dumbledore didn't want to see him."  
My voice is bitter, and he notices.  
"I'm guessing that's not the answer you wanted."  
"Not really, no."

I finish my drink, and slide the empty glass towards him.  
"Do you want another one, sweetheart? On the house. You look like you could use it."  
"Go on then. But just Butterbeer, please."  
"O' course."  
When I've drunk my Butterbeer, I stand up, pulling my cloak back on.  
"Going already, sweetheart?"  
"Yep, going to see Remus. Thanks for the drinks, Tom."  
"You're welcome, love. See you later."

Remus' flat is situated on the top floor of Muggle apartment building, tucked away in the corner. Knocking on the door, he answers it half a minute later, wand in hand.  
"Who is it?"  
"Marlene McKinnon, resident Butterbeer addict."  
"Hey Mar."  
I pull him into a brief hug, and he looks at me in surprise.  
"What was that for?"  
"I found Sirius this morning. Snogging Evelyn Sander. In _our_ house."  
"Oh Mar."  
He hugs me again, and then stows his wand away.  
"If you want, I'll go beat him up?"  
"Thank you. I appreciate the sentiment, but don't worry about it."  
"It's full moon tomorrow. I could go all werewolf on him, if you want? Then you don't have to see him as much."  
"I've moved out, so I'm not going to see him much anyway."

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	12. 56 Rosedale Street

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Unfortunately.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

"I'm just here for my stuff."  
Sirius looks defeated, worn out, _tired_ , but I don't feel sympathetic towards him. Not anymore.  
"Fine. It's all still upstairs."  
I brush past him, and start to go into the living room, when a memory hits me, vivid and painful.  
 _"Come on, Sirius!"  
"Hang on, Mar, let me get my-"  
I grab his hand and pull him away from the table, dragging him up to standing.  
"Mar!" He moans, and I laugh.  
"Come on, let's go outside!"  
"You go on ahead. I'll be one minute, I promise."  
"Okay then. But hurry!"  
I lean down to kiss him, and he obliges, smiling._

"Mar? Are you okay?" Sirius catches me as I stumble, and I shrug him off, heart aching, trying to remember how to be angry.  
"I'm fine."  
I go upstairs and start packing my stuff up into my trunk, clothes all higgledy-piggledy and books neatly stacked.  
"So when's _Evelyn_ moving in?"  
His voice is pained. "Mar-"  
"Why, Sirius? Why did you do it _?_ "  
"Mar, I just...you..."  
"What was it? Was I not good enough for you? Not pretty enough, or smart enough?"  
"No!" His voice cracks. "No, of course you were, it's not that-"  
"What is it then? Oh, wait, is it that Evelyn didn't spend six months being tortured with the Death Eaters?"  
"Don't say that." Suddenly Sirius sounds firm, stern. "Don't say that Mar."  
"Why not? Afraid of the truth? Maybe I was just getting boring for you, not being able to go out on that death trap you call a motorcycle?"

"Mar! Stop it!"  
"Stop what? Being honest?"  
"I meant to break up with her, I just-"  
"Realised that she was way more fun than me?"  
"Stop it! Stop twisting this around and making it all my fault!"  
"Whose fault is it then? _Evelyn's_? Mine?!"  
"No, but...argh! You're not listening!"  
"I don't see why I should, if I'm being honest. You're the one who's _cheating_ on me!"  
"Look, I'm sorry! OK, I'm sorry! It was a mistake!"  
"Yes, it was! A huge one! Now please move out of my way, I need to go downstairs."

"Mar, listen!"  
He grabs my arm, forcing me to face him, and I raise my eyebrows.  
"What is it?"  
"You're not listening! I was going to break up with her yesterday-"  
"Didn't look like it." I mutter, and he lets out a growl.  
"I didn't want to hurt her! She's a lovely girl, and she _listens_ when I'm trying to _talk_!"  
"Maybe you should be with her then!  
I shove past him, dragging my trunk, and he doesn't try to stop me as I storm out.  
Trying not to cry, I lug my trunk behind me, and then Apparate, arriving in the hallway of Remus' flat. He's out, he went out this morning, so I take my trunk into the living room, and set it down on the floor, winded. I then Disapparate.

The Ministry is crowded, teeming with people, so I have to fight my way through the crowds to get to Moody's office. I knock, and his gruff voice curls out from under the door. "Come in, then."  
"McKinnon."  
"Good morning, sir."  
"We're not at school, sit down, and it's Mad-Eye. Now, what do you want?"  
"It's about my project on Death Eater activity in Cornwall." I murmur, knowing that he understands what I'm really saying; what's going on with the Order?  
"This should cover it." He pulls a single sheet of parchment from the top drawer of his desk, and shoves it at me.  
 _56 Rosedale Street.  
Greater London.  
Destroy as soon as you leave this office._

"I understand. When's the deadline?"  
 _When's the next raid?_  
"I want it by six."  
 _At six tonight.  
_ "Thanks, Mad-Eye."  
"Are you sure you'll be able to get it done, by then, McKinnon?"  
 _Are you sure you should come?  
_ "Absolutely."  
I nod firmly, stand up, and thank him, before leaving the office, and quickly incinerating the address.

The hours pass quickly, and before I know where I am, it's half past five, and I'm standing in the porch of an empty whitewashed house.  
"The name of the phoenix?" A voice whispers through the crack in the door.  
"Fawkes." I say impatiently, brushing down my robes, and the door creaks open, revealing Elphias Doge.  
"Oh, McKinnon, how are you?"  
"Very well, thank you. May I come in?"  
I follow him around to where the living room would be, and am instantly smothered in a hug.  
"Mar!"  
"Hest! How are you?"  
"I'm great. Oh, Mar, you have no idea how glad I am that you're okay! I was so worried!"  
"Yes, that's all very sweet. Now listen up!"  
Moody barks from the corner, and Hestia lets go of me so that we can see him. Lily and James are in the corner, holding hands, and Sirius, I realise with a jolt, is leaning against a wall near them, looking thoroughly depressed as Lily occasionally shoots dirty looks at him. When they see me, Lily waves and beckons me, but I jerk my head towards Sirius and then shake my head. James shrugs at me, looking nonplussed, and then stops as Moody glares at hm.

"Alright, so warehouse in Reading. We took scouts there a week ago, and caught several suspected Death Eaters in the vicinity. Apparate in pairs, and have each other's backs. Just don't break ranks if someone's killed. Everyone got that?"  
There was a vague murmur of assent, and then he banged his cane on the floor.  
"Remember, constant vigilance! Now pair up!"  
I instinctively turn to Sirius, and then bite my lip and turn to Hestia.  
"Want to pair up, Hest?"  
"Why, I would be honoured, Mar."  
We link arms, and Moody shouts out for quiet, then begins to count down.  
"Ready? Three, two, one!"

The uncomfortable sensation of Apparation fills my senses, and then we reappear in a dark and grimy alleyway.  
"Lovely spot." I quip, and Hestia giggles, slipping her hand into her pocket to pull out her wand.  
We follow Moody in lines, filing towards the warehouse, and then Kingsley blasts the door open.  
And all hell breaks loose.

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	13. The Wedding Ring

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Unfortunately.  
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

 _"Alright, so warehouse in Reading. We took scouts there a week ago, and caught several suspected Death Eaters in the vicinity. Apparate in pairs, and have each other's backs. Just don't break ranks if someone's killed. Everyone got that?"  
We reappear in a dark and grimy alleyway and_ _follow Moody in lines, filing towards the warehouse, and then Kingsley blasts the door open.  
And all hell breaks loose._

Curses explode from the door of the warehouse, and Moody yells orders as we form a protective semi-circle in front of the Muggle street. Lily, James and few others quickly form a shield around the warehouse so that no Muggles can wander in, and the rest of us move towards the warehouses, deflecting the spells that come flying out at us. Hestia grabs my arm, dragging me out of the way as a curse flies past my ear, narrowly missing my head, and yells fill the air, battering my ears and setting my teeth on edge.

I move purely on instinct, side-stepping and slashing curses out of the air before they can reach their targets. Hestia and I run forwards, hexing and jinxing, and I can hear James behind me, shouting spells in retaliation. Mad-Eye's nearly at the door, and the ground is littered with groaning Death Eaters in his wake. When it's all quiet outside, Kingsley leads five of us, me, Sirius, James, Hestia, and Cassie Hyde, who I was friends with at Hogwarts, into the seemingly empty warehouse. Wands raised, we creep in, and there's a moment of silence. Then there's a yell from the shadows, and more Death Eaters emerge, catching us totally off guard.

A Killing Curse blossoms from the end of one of their wands, and it flies straight at me. I'm too slow, too surprised to move, and someone loops an arm around my waist and pulls me out of the way just in time.  
"You okay?"  
Sirius looks anxiously down with me with urgent eyes.  
"I'm fine." I stand up quickly, and re-join the battle, wand twirling through the air like a baton.  
Yells fill the air like storm clouds, a horrible symphony of spells and screams, and I stop thinking, stop worrying about what might happen and lose myself in the adrenaline of the battle. Death Eaters fall, and we make our way further in, towards the doors at the back.  
Then there's a loud scream behind me, and a sickening _thump_.

I turn around quickly, and drop to my knees next to Cassie, who's lying on the floor motionless, eyes wide and unseeing.  
"Cassie! Come on, Cassie! Come on, you're going to be fine!" Feeling for her pulse, I freeze up in shock and shake her, desperately tying to wake her up. "Cassie! You can't be dead, you _can't_ , come on, Cassie... _please_..."  
A memory hits into me like a hex, stinging and painful.  
 _"Ha ha, got you!" I jump up on my bed in our dormitory, and whip a magazine out of Cassie's hands. "I knew you were taking them!"  
"Oi! Give it back!" She snatches at me, but I dodge and hop off the bed, running down the stairs into the common room.  
"Mar! Get back here!"  
Laughing, I wave the magazine at her like a flag, and then drop it in a surprised-looking Sirius' lap, before sprinting out of the portrait hole._

"Cassie..." I whisper, looking down at her in horror, and Hestia gives a shriek of surprise as she sees our old friend, lying on the floor. The battle finishes around us, the Death Eaters falling one by one, but I'm too busy staring, unbelieving, at Cassie's body.  
"Come on, Mar." James' voice is sad, laced with emotion, as he pulls me upright, leading me outside, where everyone's waiting anxiously. Lily runs forward and throws her arms around James' neck, and he hugs her tightly, both obviously relieved.

Hestia comes up next to me, slipping her hand into mine, and I lean my head on her shoulder, physically and mentally drained. I can feel my grief, weighing on my lungs like it's a physical thing, resting on my chest and making it hard to breathe. Lily cries out as she hears the news, and tears rise to my eyes as I think about _her._  
Cassie. Bright, brilliant, beautiful Cassie.  
The more I think about her, the more I remember, and the more I remember, the more it hurts.

Lily sobs into James' shoulder, and Hest and I just stand there, holding each other up, trying to be strong, because if we're not, who's going to be?  
Not Lily, who's crying like her heart's broken.  
Not James, who's trying to calm Lily down.  
Not Moody, who's baring order like it's going to bring Cassie back.  
No one.  
Cassie's gone.  
Nothing's the same.  
Ten minutes pass and Lily comes over to me, pulling me into a tear-stained hug, then whispers in my ear.

"She was _sixteen..."  
_ Despite my pain, I frown. She was our age, Cassie, she was with us in Hogwarts.  
Still, Lily is crying too much for me contradict her, so I just rub my back and try my best to swallow the lump in my throat. As she lets go reluctantly, her hand grazes over my jumper, and her ring sparkles in the evening sun. No, her _rings_.

 _Rings?  
_ I look down at her hand as she twists her fingers anxiously, and there are two rings on her ring finger, not one.  
An engagement ring, and a wedding ring.  
A wedding ring.  
Lily's wearing a wedding ring, nearly two months before her wedding.

Something isn't quite right.

 **I'm not going to say anymore.  
OK, but what do think is going on? I want to see what you think!  
Obrigada,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx  
**


	14. Oooh! A box!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. *puts head in hands disappointedly*  
A/N: Sorry, thirteenth phoenix, they did not elope. But you are getting closer...ish!  
Don't forget to follow, favourite and review!  
Enjoy xx**

"Are you alright?"  
"I'm fine."  
It's a lie.  
Both of us know it.

Cassie's funeral is painful.  
I don't cry, because I told myself I wouldn't, but something about it doesn't feel right. I borrow Lily's shoes because I don't own any black ones, and I wear one of Remus' coats, because it feels comforting, to be wearing something that one of my best friends has worn. The service is beautiful, and Hestia sobs into my shoulder throughout. It hurts me to see one of my best friends so upset, hurts me a lot.

When the service ends, everyone goes inside, but I stay outside in the rain, letting the raindrops wash away my unshed tears. James takes Lily home early; she can't stay, and Hestia leaves with them. I haven't seen Sirius at all. I know that I should be angry, but really I'm just sad. Sad, and disappointed.  
Deep down, I didn't think he would cheat on me. Ever.  
Still, I was wrong, and he hurt me, and I should be mad at him.  
I'm not. I miss him.

Remus comes to get me half an hour later, and my make-up's running down my face and I'm just tired, tired of feeling sad, tired of feeling at all. He takes me hand, rubbing my knuckles comfortingly, and we Apparate back to his place.  
"I'm going to go to work." I mutter, pulling the coat off and replacing it with a smart black blazer.  
"Are you sure? I'm sure Mad-Eye wouldn't mind-"  
"I have to. I have to do something."  
"Okay. I'll see you in a bit, then."  
"Yeah, bye."

I throw myself into my work, researching and tracking and reading dozens of century-old books, but it all only seems like white noise. It's nearly a week later that I accidentally stumble across a book on Memory Charms, and start to read. It becomes clear quickly that my case must be very rare.  
 _Furthermore,_ _Memory Charms can be broken or wear off in some cases, when the incantation or wand movement the caster performed was inaccurate. In that case, the victim would regain all of their memories in a very short time period of up to one hour, and would likely fall into unconsciousness as their brain catches up with them, so to speak. Therefore victims of accidental spell casting are likely to recover completely in up to a week._

It's been three weeks.  
Pettigrew really must've messed up that Memory Charm.  
He never was that good at magic, anyway.  
I'm just packing up for the day, sifting through pages of notes and paperwork, when Mitchell, the young wizard in the cubicle next me, knocks lightly on the wall, then comes in, hefting a cardboard box up onto my desk.  
"I found this, McKinnon, in the store cupboard. It's got your name on it."  
"Ooooh, it might be some of my old desk stuff. Thanks, Mitchell."  
"When you coming off?"  
"Ten minutes. Got any leads on the Gibbon case?"  
"Well, according to his grandmother he wouldn't hurt a fly."  
I laugh, and rip the Spellotape off the top of the box.  
"Well, good luck with that one."  
"Thanks. Go home, yeah? Don't stay up here all night."  
"I won't. How's the girlfriend?"  
"She's alright." He blushes. "I'm thinking of asking her to marry me."  
"Well she'll be lucky to have you. You're a good guy, Mitchell."  
"You're not bad yourself, McKinnon."  
"See you later, yeah?"  
"Yep. See you later."

He leaves me with the box, and I sling my handbag over my shoulder, stick my wand in my pocket, and Disapparate, clutching the box.  
"Now, what's in here?" I plonk it down on the coffee table and pull it open, taking the first couple of things out. They are a handsome eagle feather quill, stiff with dust, a dried up inkwell, and a few pictures, bound together with black ribbon. Frowning, I put them to one side, deciding to look at them later, and carefully empty the box out onto the floor.

There are a few books that I flick through quickly, smiling, coughing as dust flies up into my face; a small lamp, which glows weakly when I touch it, and a pile of papers, full of scribbled notes and things I wanted to remember. When I've looked through them, I carefully untie the ribbon and look at the first picture. It's of me, Lily, and Cassie by the Black Lake at Hogwarts, laughing and flicking water at each other. A note on the back reads:  
 _Lily, Mar and Cassie, November 1976.  
_ There's a quick note under it in a different handwriting, hastily scribbled in fresher ink.  
 _Two weeks before the accident._

"Accident?" I wonder out loud, and, frowning, look at the next picture. It's another picture of Lily and I, this time with Hestia too, but Cassie's missing. We're inside, sitting on the sofa in the Gryffindor common room, sprawled across each other, my legs on Hestia's knees, and Lily's head on my stomach. We're smiling, but half-heartedly, like all the fight's gone out of us. I flip it over impatiently, and the note on the back makes me frown, confused.  
 _Lily, Mar, Hest, May 1977. END OF THE NEWTS!  
_ Once again, there's a scribbled note, words spiky with indignation, and anger.  
 _Anniversary of Cassie's birthday._

I study it for a second, and realise with a jolt that's it's _my_ handwriting.  
I wrote that.

What?  
I remember what Lily said. _"She was sixteen_. _"  
_ No, she wasn't, she was 19, like the rest of us.  
So then why...?  
I'm puzzled, and I want answers.  
Now.

 **Lalalalalala! I am singing! I am happy! Cliffhangers! Yay!  
Please review! Thank you!  
Adios,  
She-who-needs-help-with-her-cliffhanger-problem xx**


	15. Imperius Revelius

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. Unfortunately.  
A/N: Now that I have you all in a suitable amount of suspense I shall...start dropping more infuriatingly vague clues. Mwa ha ha ha!  
We are nearing the end of the story! There will be maybe one or two more chapters, as everything is going to start moving very fast, but I might do a sequel. All shall become clear soon enough!  
** **Enjoy! xx  
**

 _Once again, there's a scribbled note, words spiky with indignation, and anger.  
Lily, Mar, Hest, May 1977. END OF THE NEWTS!  
Anniversary of Cassie's birthday.  
_ _I'm puzzled, and I want answers._  
 _Now._

"Remus!" I stride into his bedroom where he's pulling on a jumper, frowning.  
"What's up?"  
"What does _this_ mean?" I throw the picture down on the bed, and he picks it up, peering at it curiously.  
"What does what mean?"  
"On the back." I huff, exasperated, folding my arms. "There's a note on the back. It says, 'Anniversary of Cassie's birthday'. What does it mean?"  
"Huh?"  
Sighing, I go back into the living room to get the other pictures, him following me, still engrossed in the picture.  
"And on this one, it says 'two weeks before the accident'. What accident? What does it..."  
Biting my lip, I trail off as I notice a picture on the mantelpiece I hadn't seen before, and pick it up.

It's of Lily and James, with Sirius next to them, and they're all laughing; James' hair is sticking up as usual and Sirius' face is handsome, full of laughter. Lily looks radiant, dressed in a stunning white dress, hair twisted into an elegant knot at the back of her head, tiny curls framing her beaming face.  
 _A beautiful white dress.  
A wedding dress_.  
"What...what... _Remus_..." My voice is a faint, horrified whisper, and I'm suddenly light-headed, drifting, far-away.  
"What is it, Mar? You okay?"  
"The...the...the _picture_..."  
"Which one?"  
"That...that one...the one with Lily, and James, on their wedding. But it can't be...it _can't_ be..."  
"What?"  
"The picture in the middle!"

"What picture?"  
"That one!"  
"What one?"  
"That one! Can't you see it?"  
"What are you talking about, Mar?"  
"I...I don't know."  
I sit down heavily on the floor, legs crossed, breathing deeply.  
"Hey, are you okay? Mar?" Remus kneels down next to me, hand on my shoulder, and I turn to look at him in panic, eyes frantic.  
"A picture of their wedding day! On your mantelpiece! Two months before their wedding!"  
"Mar, are you feeling alright? You're not really making sense-"  
"I am making sense! I am! There's a picture, and it's real, it's there, and you _must_ be able to see it! It's there!"  
"Mar, maybe you should have a rest, you've been working all day-"  
"NO!" I shout, face pleading. "NO! I do _not_ need a rest, I need someone to explain what the _hell_ is going on!"  
"Okay!" He grabs my hands, trying to calm me down. "Okay, Mar, I will explain. What do you want to know?"  
"I want to know why there's a wedding picture on your mantelpiece from the wedding that hasn't happened yet. I want to know why I saw Cassie die a week ago when she died in our sixth year. I want to know why I'm remembering things in flashbacks; memory charms don't work like that. I want to know why Lily's already wearing a wedding ring. Your mum..." I stop for a second, trying to remember. "Your mum died in our fifth year, so why do you keep going off to 'visit her'? What's going on, Remus?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."  
His face is blank, almost eerily calm, but there's a hint of concern in his eyes as he looks at me. Not a trace of lie.  
"Come on...I'm not imagining this...Remus...come on...you have to...you must know what I'm talking about!"  
"I'm afraid I don't."  
Whipping out my wand, I point it at him suspiciously, and his eyes widen.  
"Mar-"  
" _Imperius Revelius!"  
_ A soft white glow surrounds Remus for a moment, and then it fades.  
"You're not under the Imperius." I frown, putting my wand away. "So what...?"  
"Mar, I seriously think you should just relax for a bit, okay?"  
I bite my lip, face creased with worry, but stand up and brush through my hair with my fingers.  
"I think I'm going to go to Lily's."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. I want to ask her why she's wearing a wedding ring two months before she's due to get married."  
"Look, Mar-"  
He reaches out to grab my sleeve, but I Disapparate, appearing in an abandoned alleyway not far from Lily and James'.  
Remus appears with a _pop_ , and I ignore him, running off towards James and Lily's house.

"Mar! How are you?"  
I ignore James at the door and walk into the living room, frightened and confused, wringing my hands anxiously. Lily is sitting on the sofa, leafing through the Daily Prophet, and she looks up as I come in, folding her newspaper to one side.  
"Hiya, Mar. You alright?"  
"I...I..."  
I stop for a minute, eyes gliding over the room, trying to think of what to say, when my eyes snag on a picture on the wall that I hadn't noticed before. Crossing the room in three strides, I halt directly in front of the photograph, veins suddenly filled with ice. Mounted in a handsome mahogany frame is a photo of a baby.  
A baby with tufty black hair and strikingly familiar bright green eyes.

 **Yes, a cliffhanger. I know, I need help. It's just so _fun_!  
Also, I know. WHAT?  
Hee hee hee.  
If you liked this cliffhanger, you'll _love_ the next chapter. It's huge! Ginormous! Colossal! Exclamation Mark!  
Good luck waiting for the next one!  
She-who-loves-keeping-her-readers-in-suspense xx**


	16. I love you

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Apologies.**

 **This chapter was published on holiday on an IPad, so the format is a tad wonky.**

 **A/N: OK. WARNING: This chapter contains a cliffhanger that may cause your brain to explode. You have been warned!**

 **Don't be mad!**

 **Enjoy xx**

Who's the baby?" I ask quietly, heart thundering.

"What baby?"

"The baby in the picture." I hug myself, trying to keep control.

"What baby?"

"The baby in the picture!"

Lily looks confused.

"What baby?"

"The baby in the picture! Who looks like James! No?"

"What baby?"

I'm starting to panic now, breathing quickening, palms sweaty.

"Mar? Are you okay?"

"I...I...Cassie..."

"What about her?"

"She died in sixth year, not in a Death Eater raid, in a car crash."

"Car crash?"

"I'm not making this up!"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about..."

Remus comes in from the kitchen.

"What's going on?"

"Cassie...she died in a car crash. And the baby...you and James' baby..."

"What baby?"

"Your baby! Your baby, Lily! What about Alice? Why haven't I seen her?"

"Alice?"

"Where's Alice, Lily? Where's Alice, and Em, and Lizzie? Where are they, Lily?" The names spring to my lips as I remember them like fresh memories.

"Why are you wearing a wedding ring when you're getting married in a month?"

"A wedding ring?"

"Why can no one tell me what house Evelyn Sander was in? Why did the Death Eaters keep me alive for 9 months? Why?!"

"I don't know, but-"

I go to the curtains and wrench them open, turning to look desperately at Remus.

"It's full moon."

"So?"

"So why haven't you transformed?"

"Transformed?"

I'm sobbing now, openly sobbing, confused and heart-broken and desperate.

"My feet are smaller than yours, Lily, I never would have been able to wear your shoes. Theres a photograph of Lily and James' wedding on Remus' mantelpiece, but that shouldn't exist yet. There's a photo of baby that you don't know about that looks just like you and Sirius would never cheat on me . Remus' mum died in our fifth year. If you thought I died earlier this year, then why was no one surprised when I turned up at the order meeting? Cassie never got to join the Order. Dumbledore would never ask me to make an Unbreakable Vow. So what's going on?"

"Mar? I think you need to calm down-"

"Memory charms don't work like this! The memories come back all at once...I...I..."

I Disapparate and reappear on the top of Remus' apartment building, and Remus follows me.

"How did you know I'd be here?"

He holds out a shaking hand, like you would to a frightened animal, and his voice is scared and choked with tears.

"Just stay here, Mar, please. Just stay still, I'm getting Sirius. Just stay there."

I don't care if Sirius cheated on me; I need to say goodbye. He disappears, and I step closer to the edge, clambering up onto the ledge, pulling my hair out of its plait, letting myself teeter, my hair blowing across my face. The wind picks up my hair, blowing strands of it across my face. I close my eyes, and begin to hum to myself, trying not to keep crying.

Sirius appears with a crack, and Remus is there too, I hear them both cry out, and I feel Sirius wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him, tears pouring down his face.

"Crookshanks..." I mutter, voice supposedly calm. "Crookshanks...I never kept him. I gave him to the emporium in Diagonal Alley, I found him on the street...this is all wrong...I have to go...this has to stop..."

"Mar..." His voice is desperate, pleading. "Mar, stop it, don't talk like that."

"You're not real..." I murmur. "You're not real, you can't be real..."

"Mar, just come back home, please...!"

I notice that he doesn't deny it.

"I can't...this isn't home...let go of me, Sirius!"

"What are you going to do?"

"I won't do anything. Just please, let go..."

"Okay..."

Sirius lets go, but keeps his arms hovering around my waist.

Then I start to sing, voice sweet and melodic, and the song gives me courage.

"And if you're in love, then you are the lucky ones. Because most of us are bitter over someone. Setting fire to our insides, for fun. To distract ourselves from ever missing them, but I'm forever missing...him."

I take a deep breath.

There's a second of painstaking silence, and then I move.

Reaching out, I push Sirius away, and he stumbles, falling to the floor, so I quickly erect a shield between me and them, so that they can't interfere.

"Mar, what are you-"

"Get down!" Remus' voice is sharp, and fearful. "Marlene McKinnon get down from there."

"What are you doing?"

"She's going to jump."

"Mar." Sirius' voice is low, disbelieving, raw. "Mar, you have to stop this. Get down."

I smile, a watery smile, but I want to go smiling, and hum the end of the song, its familiarity warming me from the inside.

His face crumples, looking distraught, and I feel a pang of guilt, but step forwards, toes now hanging over the edge.

"Sirius, I've spent all the of this time trying my best to remember me, but the thing is, I never really forgot. You're not real, Sirius, you can't be..." I look at him pleadingly, silently begging him to tell me that he's real, but he doesn't. He just keeps crying. Remus keeps yelling, telling me to get down but I don't hear him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I love you so much, okay? I love you." I choke out, and I hear Sirius cry out in anguish, a raw, inhuman sound like a dog whining.

Closing my eyes, I whisper something, and it's carried away by the wind, off into the night.

"Remember me."

There's a heart-stopping second.

I jump.

 **THE END.**

 **HA HA HA HA.**

 **NOT REALLY.**

 **She-who-knows-she-is-evil-and-revels-in-the-fact xx**


	17. Remember

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine, okay? OKAY?  
A/N: Yes, I know, I'm evil. Just read until the bottom, it'll make sense, and then review the chapter, yeah? Thanks!  
Enjoy xx**

Then suddenly I'm jolted awake, heart thundering, like someone put jumper cables on my brain. It's so dark, I decide, that either my eyes are closed, or I don't have eyes.  
After a minute or so of silent, still panicking, I gradually begin to realise that I'm lying on something, and that my hair is tickling the back of my neck. I'm really cold, although I'm covered with something warm up to my neck that is thrumming with energy. I've got an itch on my arm, and I want to scratch it, but I can't move.

My ears start to respond slowly, picking up sounds from all around me. There's an incessant beeping from somewhere near my head, and a low hiss of what I'm guessing is ventilation sends waves of cold at floating over me, chilling my cheeks. Although my thoughts are foggy and slow, my Auror training starts to kick in as I remember what I was taught about waking up in foreign areas.  
 _"Keep as still as you can, keep your breathing even and listen to everything around you. If you think it is safe, try to open your eyes to observe your surroundings and find the quickest escape route. Remember, if they think you're unconscious, they won't be paying as much attention to you, so it'll be a lot easier for you to knock their block off."  
_ If I could, I would smile.  
I can remember that day, when Stevenson told us that, and Sirius went to...  
 _Sirius_!  
Immediately I'm back on the rooftop again, wind blowing through my hair, teetering, Sirius yelling in anguish behind me.

"Good morning, Miss McKinnon!"  
A loud bang makes me jump, and a cheerful voice finds its way to my keen ears.  
"I'm just going to perform all the usual checks, alright? Remember, let me know if you can hear me, okay? Give me a sign."  
I'm pretty sure I could try to get her attention, but I still don't know who she is, and once again my Auror training makes me suspicious.  
There's a sudden sharp pain in my arm, and I want to flinch away, but I can't move, so I don't.

" _When you feel an unknown substance enter your body, whether through an injection or other means, it is important to stay calm. Keep your breathing as slow as possible. The faster your heart is beating, the quicker the liquid will spread. If it's an anaesthetic, you will probably black out very quickly, in under a minute, so it's important to try and alert help as quickly as possible, but without using too much energy. Sending up red sparks with your wand is the recommended method of catching another Auror's attention if there are multiple of you."  
_ Unless this woman is an Auror, this isn't going to help. Still, I keep my breathing as even and slow as I can.

" _Don't move, as this will speed up circulation. Instead, move your fingers and toes in small movements to make sure that you retain feeling in them."  
_ I can't move.  
 _"Apply pressure to the area, especially if the entry spot is bleeding."  
_ The woman's already doing that.

My head is spinning, but I don't feel woozy, or faint, just slightly nauseous and groggy. If I could move, I'd be going to work.  
"Hmm...that's a bit high...I'm just going to check..."  
The air around me seems to vibrate, pressing down on me, and I understand.  
It's a spell to check the strength of a witch or wizard's magical core. So she's a Healer.  
Thank Merlin.  
I try to make a sound, to open my eyes or to move my lips, but even after the spell lifts I'm weak and heavy, like I've been filled with lead. A painfully bright light flares up behind my closed eyelids. I hear her gasp, and her heels click on the floor as I hear the door close.

The block in my throat begins to lessen, and I let out a low moan as the door swings open again with a _swoosh_.  
"-readings are a little...did you hear that?"  
She falls silent, and a warm hand picks up my limp wrist and feels for my pulse.  
I groan again, quietly this time as my muscles ache with exertion, struggling to open my eyes.  
"Miss McKinnon?"  
"Urgh..." I moan, as the bright lights of the hospital room hit my eyes like a stab. "Where's the fire?"

* * *

The wheels on my bed squeak as they roll me along the corridor.  
"Is there anyone we can contact, dear?"  
"Um..." My thoughts are still a bit murky, and it's taking me a while to answer her questions. "There's my boyfriend...I mean, he'll pick me up."  
"It has been quite a few years, dearie, but I'm sure we can try."  
"You said no one came to visit me...is that true? I thought someone would've..." I mumble.  
"No, no one did, unfortunately dear. You see, you were in a Muggle hospital down in Greenwich for a good while, and you were registered as deceased on the Ministry records."  
"Why?"  
"There's was an...attack, dear, on your family mansion."  
"And...my mum and dad? My...my family?"  
"I'm afraid they passed away, dearie."  
I slump back against the pillows, hollow.  
"How long?"  
"According to the Muggles, you were taken to their hospital on August 1st, 1981. We found you and brought you here in December that year."  
"Mmm..." I mutter. "What year is it?"  
"1995, dear."

I sit up again, wincing as a roll of pain passes through my head.  
" _What_? I was in that...coma-ry thing for...one, two, three...nine... _fourteen years_?"  
"Unfortunately so, dear."  
"And you kept me alive? I mean, you didn't...?"  
"You were breathing on your own, dear. We weren't keeping you alive in any way."  
"So what caused it? The coma thing?"  
"We're not too sure at the moment, we'd have to do some tests now that you're awake to determine the cause."  
We turn a corner, and I try to remember which way we've been, just in case. I saw a staircase in the last hallway.  
"And...say if I had a dream...in the coma thing...it wouldn't have been real?"  
"I very much doubt it, dear."  
I run my hand through my _disgusting_ hair and fumble with my glasses for a second.

The Healer who's been looking after me for the past year and half and is called Audrey, wheels me into a small room with a desk and just enough room for my bed.  
"So, who did you say your boyfriend was again, dear?" She sits, poised with a quill in her hand, ready for my answer.  
"He's called Sirius, Sirius Black, he lives at number 19...no, number 25...I can't really..."  
She drops her quill, and it lands on the floor, leaving a splatter of ink across the lino.  
"Sirius? Sirius _Black_?"  
"Yeah, that Sirius. I can't exactly remember his address..."  
"The mass-murderer, Sirius Black? That Sirius Black?"  
" _What?"  
_ "Oh, you wouldn't have been...Black was arrested after he killed all those Muggles, after he betrayed James and Lily Potter."

I burst into tears, utterly confused.  
"Oh, no, dear, I'm ever so sorry, I know this must be absolutely _dreadful_ for you-"  
"Lily," I gasp. "Lily, what happened to her?"  
"She was killed, dear, by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, on Halloween the same year."  
I cry out, the knowledge physically hurting me from the inside, and I can see her in my mind's eye, laughing and tossing her flame red hair behind her shoulder, pulling me into a hug.  
"And...and James?" I spit. "And Harry?"  
"Both Mr and Mrs Potter died that night, but Harry survived! The Killing Curse, from You-Know-Who himself! That's why he's the Boy-Who-Lived."  
James grins in my mind's eye, picking me up and chucking me over his shoulder, tapping me on the nose and calling me Buttercup.  
Harry, the laughing baby, chuckles at me, grabbing at my hair and holding up his arms to be picked up, riding on James' back and laughing wildly.  
"So...so Sirius..." I'm trying to stay composed. "What happened?"  
"Peter Pettigrew confronted him, and Black blew him up, along with half the street. The biggest piece of Pettigrew they ever found was his finger! His _finger_! Imagine that!"  
I am imagining it, tears trickling down my face, then the memories come flying back, and shout out.  
"It wasn't Sirius, you don't understand, it was Pettigrew, he was Secret Keeper, I was there, I..."  
I trail off as I think of something.

"Sirius...is he in...Azkaban?"  
"He was."  
"What do you mean, was?"  
"He escaped. No one knows how, but he did. First one ever to do it!"  
I take a deep breath, trying to slow my crying. "So...Lily and James are...Peter is supposedly _dead_...and Harry is all famous...and Remus? What about him?"  
"Who, sorry?"  
I try to keep my patience.  
"Remus, Remus Lupin. He's alright, isn't he?"  
"To the best of my knowledge."  
"There's a polite, short knock on the door, and she turns.  
"One second, Miss McKinnon."

There's a woman at the door, with a pale heart-shaped face and violent purple hair that hurts my eyes just looking at it, along with someone whose face I can't see, because he's looking behind me at the portraits on the wall outside in the corridor.  
"Wotcher," The woman says cheerily. "Sorry to interrupt, we were just down at the tea room, got a tad lost. We're trying to get to the Dai Llewell-whatsit ward, to see Arthur Weasley?"  
"Ah, not to worry, my dear. The Dai Llewellyn is just down the corridor, on the left, and if you-"  
She keeps talking, but I'm frozen, staring at the man in shabby robes behind her, who has just turned around, fiddling with the cuffs of his jacket and staring at them intently.

" _Remus_..." My voice is hoarse, and breaking, but Healer Audrey cuts off what she's saying abruptly to look at me in surprise, and the woman nudges the man next to her.  
"Lupin..."  
"What is it, Dora?"  
She looks at me pointedly, and I watch as the colour drains completely from his face.  
"What is it?" The purple haired woman asks, but I don't completely hear her.  
" _Mar_?"  
His voice is barely a whisper.  
"Do you know this woman?"  
Audrey sounds indignant.  
"This, Audrey," My voice is falsely confident. "Is Remus Lupin."

And with that, I promptly faint, collapsing against the headboard, and the last thing I hear before I'm gone is Remus' voice, crying out in surprise, and I want to smile.

 **Yes, okay.  
I know.  
Thank you.  
I know it wasn't what you were expecting.  
Reviews are appreciated.  
Please keep calm and keep reviewing?  
She-who-loves-plot-twists xx**


	18. Showtime

**Disclaimer: I wish...but, alas, my wish shall never be granted.  
A/N: Yes, I am updating once again this weekend because of your reviews. Thank you kindly!  
Unfortunately, Thirteenthphoenix, I cannot do 26 chapters today, but you have two in a weekend. Keep up those reviews, and I keep posting! Deal?  
Enjoy xx**

Someone's holding my hand when I wake up.  
They're rubbing their thumb in a circle around my knuckles the way Sirius used to, and the fact that I can remember that makes me want to cry.  
I stir slowly, lifting up my other hand to wipe the sleep out of my eyes, and Remus lets go of my other hand from where he's perched on the plastic chair next to my bed. I'm in a ward with only two other patients, and they're both surrounded by visitors, so Remus casts a solitary figure by my bed.  
"The Healer said you should drink this."  
He hands me a cup, but I'm not listening, staring at him in a sort of awe.

Remus' hair is greying, covered in premature lines, and he looks tired, but he's still Remus, kind and compassionate Remus, who has a wicked sense of humour that I reckon hasn't shown for a while. His eyes are amber, and I know from years of knowing him that that means the full moon was recently. I scan the room, and there's a calendar on the wall crossing off the days until the 25th.  
I want to laugh. Given everything that's happened, Christmas seems really insignificant right now.  
"So it's the...12th of December."  
"Yeah."  
Remus shifts uncomfortably in his chair, and I frown at him, but I'm not mad.  
"Remus, are Lily and James really...?"  
His face darkens, and he nods sorrowfully.  
I choke up, shaking, and he goes to take my hand, but freezes and doesn't. I wish he would.

"And...and Sirius? Audrey said he was in Azkaban...but he escaped? What...?"  
"He did escape, but we can't talk about it here. Someone might overhear."  
I frown, trying not to lose control. "Where can we, then?"  
"I...I don't know."  
I huff, and push back the duvet. Remus looks at me with panicked eyes.  
"What are you doing?"  
"If we can't talk here, then let's go somewhere else, where we can talk."  
"Mar, you've been in coma for the past fourteen years, I don't think this is-"  
I cut him off by swinging my protesting legs over the side of the bed and pushing myself to my feet, grabbing onto him for support.  
"You know what I find weird," I say, ignoring the fact that he's practically holding me upright. "Is that a, I'm practically fine even though I should be brain-dead, or at the very least confused, and b, that the Healers haven't realised what caused this yet."  
"So you think you know?"  
"Oh, I don't think anything. I _know_ I know."  
"Okay?"

I grab onto the chair that he vacated, wobbling dangerously, and he sighs and holds me around the waist for support.  
"Mar, how about you just sit down-"  
"Lily and I didn't tell any of you this," My voice shakes slightly as I say her name. "But just before we went into hiding, we kind of performed a magic bond."  
"You _what_? Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?"  
"Uh, yeah, that's why we did. We wanted to be rebellious one last time. Anyway," I cut across his exasperated sigh. "When Lily...you know, my magic, I don't know, freaked out. And ta da, coma!"  
"You could have died! We thought you _did_!"  
"Yes, but that wasn't my fault, that was when Voldy killed my family and tortured me, leaving me for dead." I spit, and let go of the chair, smiling as my legs support me again. Yeah, it's a struggle, and I'm still clutching Remus' hand with an iron grip, but I'm standing.

"I'm like Sleeping Beauty." I muse, as I try my best to drag Remus towards the door. "Except instead of being kissed by a prince, I jumped off a building."  
" _What_?" Remus spins around quickly, I stumble, and a Healer I don't recognise comes rushing over.  
"Excuse me, ma'am, unless you've been discharged it's advised that you stay in the ward."  
"Excellent." I smile brightly at her. "I'd like to be discharged, then."  
"Ma'am, that's not quite how it works-"  
"Remus will discharge me, won't you Remus?" I look at him pleadingly, and he sighs.  
"Fine. But let someone check you over first."

"Alright, then. May you check me over, please, while Remus goes down to reception to get the forms?"  
"I suppose. What is your name, ma'am?"  
"Marlene McKinnon."  
"The coma patient? Oh no, Miss McKinnon, you only woke up today, there's no way I can let you-"  
"You're not _letting_ me do anything. I asked you to check me over, please and thank you. I am standing up, talking coherently, and my memories are intact. Either you will check my magical core strength, or I will walk down three flights of stairs to the walk in clinic and get them to check it for me."  
"Now, now, ma'am, there's no need to be hasty. Just take a seat, and I will check it for you. Though I do strongly advise against you leaving so soon after your awakening."  
"I'm sure you do." I sit down, and wait for the charm to take affect. When she's done, I stand up again, trying to hide the fact that I'm holding onto the chair for support.  
"It is stable..." She says begrudgingly. "But I still must insist-"  
"That I come back in for daily check-ups and tests for the cause of this completely unique never happened before coma thing. I'm _way_ ahead of you...umm..." I peer at her badge. "Linda."  
"If you could just wait here, _ma'am,_ " Her voice is sardonic and irritated. "I'm sure your _friend_ will be back in a moment."  
"Splendid!" I cry sarcastically, folding my arms and sitting down to wait.

"Mar?" Remus entered the ward, took one look at the glowering woman and walked quickly towards me, brandishing a piece of parchment.  
"Thanks Remus." I take it, he hands me a Muggle pen and I fill it in.  
"Okay, I need your signature, Remus, and a Healer's..." I look at my new friend Linda pleadingly, and she signs it angrily, then shoves it towards Remus so that he can sign it.  
"Thank you!" I say victoriously, and Remus hands it back to me, then loops his arm around my waist and helps me from the ward.  
Just as we go to leave, I turn around and stick my tongue at Linda. I may still not be able to walk fully on my own, but I can still act like a six-year old.

It takes us a while to get down the THREE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS, but when we finally do, I'm exhausted, and just slam the form on the receptionist's desk and slump down on one of the benches in the lobby.  
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Mar?"  
"Yep." I say tiredly, rubbing my forehead, and he sits down next to me. "What happened to your friend?"  
"Dora? She went back to her flat an hour ago."  
"Right." I nod, wince, and stand up again, swaying a bit. "Let's go, then."  
"Do you want to go back to my flat?" He asks. "I was going to go back to Headquarters, but-"  
"Headquarters? For what? The Order?"  
I have got some serious catching up to do.  
No pun intended.  
"Yeah, look, I'll explain everything once we get outside."  
"Great. Would you mind...?" I gesture at my hospital gown, and he nods, pointing his wand at it so that I'm suddenly wearing a warm jumper and jeans.  
"That okay?"  
"Yes, thanks. So what were you saying about going to Headquarters?"  
"We can get the Knight Bus."  
I grab his wrist as we leave through the glass panel and emerge into a bustling street.

The feeling of fresh air shocks me, and I feel light-headed, but it feels great, like I'm waking up all over again. The loud chatter of people is almost deafening, and I fight the urge to clap my hands over my ears as Remus takes me further down the street into a dark, deserted alley. On the wall there are several peeling posters, and one catches my attention.

"You ready Mar?"  
I don't answer.  
On the wall there's a poster of Sirius , and he's yelling at the camera, being forced to hold up an Azkaban prison sign. I put my hand next to his face, drinking in the sight of his elbow-length tangles and hollow eyes.  
"Do you know where he is, Remus?"  
"Yeah, I do. He's at Headquarters, which is why we're going there."  
I feel a leap of excitement in my chest, and smile.  
"What are we waiting for, then? Let's go!"  
Remus leads me through the alley to the other side, to a dead end, and sticks out his right arm.  
There's a loud bang that makes me cry out, and then the violent purple three-decker bus appears in front of us, and the young, pimply conductor leans from off the pole.  
"Welcome to the-"  
"Yes, thank you, we know."  
"EH, it's the man who got on with 'Arry-"  
"Yes, now please let us on. My friend here is unwell."  
The conductor moves out of the way, and I clamber slowly up onto the bus, walking slowly to the few empty seats at the back. Remus hands the youth some Sickles, takes our tickets, and tells him a street name that I don't recognise. Then suddenly the bus starts off again with another tremendous loud _bang._

I'm thrown backwards in my seat, and a frail old witch in front of us lets out a cry and drops her handbag; the contents of it spill out onto the floor, and roll around the floor. Ten terrifying minutes later, I pick myself slowly off the floor again and stagger off the bus, feeling more nauseous than I've think I've felt in my life. Remus doesn't look much better.  
"It's just around here." Remus points, and we make our way around the corner.  
"No..." I mutter, filled with dread. "Sirius can't live _here_."  
His childhood home looms menacingly above me, fit snugly between numbers 11 and 13.  
"You can see it?" Remus looks confused.  
"I've always been able to."  
I came to get Sirius in fourth year, so we could go to Diagon Alley, and we never worked out why I could see it when no one else could. It has the Fidelius Charm on it and everything, but it wasn't until sixth year that I realised why; our magic knew that we were meant for each other before we did.  
"How strange..." Remus muses, and I pull him impatiently towards the door.  
"Come on!"  
He knocks once sharply on the door, and it creaks open with no one behind it.

"Sirius?" He calls, walking in with his wand out, and I follow him, shutting the front door behind me. "Sirius? Hello?"  
"Who is it?" A beautifully familiar voice comes from up the flight of stairs, and I think I stop breathing. Remus quickly points at a thick, velvet curtain, and I hide behind it, smiling.  
"Your favourite werewolf, can you come down please?"  
"Hold on, Moony. I'm just feeding Beaky."  
 _Beaky_?  
The water pipes creak, and then there's the thundering of footsteps coming down the stairs, and I can feel Sirius is there. I can just _feel_ it.  
"Everything alright, Remus?"  
"Yeah, I just thought I'd come round. Molly mentioned there was a bathroom upstairs that needed clearing out."  
"Urghh..." Sirius groans, and my knees wobble. "I'm turning into a house elf!"  
"A bit of hard work never killed anyone." I hear Remus hang his coat up on the hook near to me.  
"I think it might kill me." Sirius mutters darkly, and then his voice sounds again, quiet and panicked. "Do you feel that?"  
"Feel what?" I think Remus is smiling.  
"I don't know, it's like...are you sure we're alone?"  
"Pretty sure." Remus is most definitely smiling.  
"Hmm..." Sirius mumbles. "Should we go in the kitchen? It's something about here...I don't know."  
"Okay." I'm going to hit Remus. "Okay."

I hear them leave the room, and I slip out from behind the curtain.  
Showtime.

 **Yes! Cliffhanger! Yes!  
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